One of the effects of speaking the truth in love is that it initiates changes. Like ripples in the water, speaking the truth will start a chain of events in all directions. Although you may have avoided telling the truth concerning the affair due to your fears that it may hurt others, it could be that telling the truth will actually begin the changes you have been wanting. When change begins, it is not possible to predict the outcome. One of the changes that will occur is that you will have more genuineness in your marriage rather than secrets. You can be more ‘real’ rather than feel like you have to always wear a mask.
Speaking the truth will also leave you more vulnerable. There is a greater likelihood that you can be hurt. It is in that state of vulnerability where real change can happen. You can be hurt, but you can also connect with your spouse in a way that was not possible before. Learning to live a life based on truthful living is often a challenge. Although it has challenges, the rewards are great and the potential benefit of having your marriage and family live up to its full potential is often worth the risk. The risk of having you live up to your full potential is also one of the potential changes that can occur.
Keeping secrets may keep the peace temporarily, but truthful living is likely to provide more peace of mind in the long run.
Telling the truth does have a price which must be considered. If telling the truth puts your life in danger, you may want to continue with the secrets. If it is not a life threatening situation, you may want to consider telling the truth.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
7 Responses
God’s word is Truth….it caused upheaval whereever spoken ….because truth exposes….
TELLING the truth is something a bit different than SPEAKING truth.
One is based upon the ROCK who is truth ….telling is giving an accounting of a persons experience….sometimes lacking in details which can bias…..
Speaking what GOD says about anything with care to be accurate about what has been recorded…..
God’s word exposes truth which is LOVE in order that we may adjust our thoughts, and lives to line up with it ….a benefit to all …even though it often is difficult for us to hear ….it is useful for us to have in order to seek HIM to help us make the necessary changes in our lives..which is profitable
Even as the Word tells us “All scripture was given by inspiration [ theo pneustos-God breathed] which is profitable for doctrine, reproof, and correction which is instruction in righteousness…..
The profit of having our error and sin exposed is that we then may realize what sin does …it steals, kills and destroys …it harms …..God’s TRUTH offers us a light to shine on our own thoughts , words and deeds so that we may be recovered from darkness …THAT IS really love even if we are uncomfortable with it
A person who willfully has committed sin may not be equipped to speak or hear truth but their version of what they have done is a beginning if they can bring themselves to see the value of opening up and becoming transparent..
To me ..as time goes by that is the purpose of accountability …I have asked my husband to tell me proactively about his activities…not just for me …but more for himself …to see if he is willing to take the care to observe himself and check himself out as to whether he is keeping his word ,…to see if he is growing in calling himself to account to make better choices..
IF you do not DO something sinful you do not have to be ashamed of it …you do not have to cover it up.
Good topic …thanks Jeff !
Zaza,
Well said. The main challenge for many speaking the truth is learning how to do it “in love”. It is also important to learn how to present that truth in a way that the hearer understands.
This is true….However ,…my husband having had BOTH …’in love’ in terms of years of having been instructed and having understood truth ..still determined to do what he wanted….with understanding …his pride and his intellect found ways to circumnavigate these….
To him …the truth was intolerable ….no matter who or how it came to him …… no one and nothing could deter him from serving himself ….sad
Zaza,
It is always sad and tragic when people know the truth and choose not to accept it. The whole idea of self-control/self-restraint/discipline is often viewed as a torture to them. This is part of the explanation of the differences between wisdom from above which is spiritual and earthly wisdom, which focuses on the sensual. Such people think that sensual stimulation is more important that the spiritual wisdom gained through self-control.
Yes….just last night my husband was caught in another lie…I tried to explain to him that it is FOR HIM that he should want to check himself out …to force himself to be open and honest …He withheld information in how he called and had a woman help him from a medical appointment. He had not worked with her for two years yet he could not ‘think ‘ of anyone from his present office…a MALE to help him ? Fishy…she is also in his calendar for her birthday ….not many people make it into his calendar …and none others from his past work.
How many women can one man juggle ?! It is really tough to be married to someone who has become so skillful in abusing trust….I can’t help but wonder when the BOOM is going to lower ..I not good at lowering booms….if you know what I mean …and lately I am just becoming weary with the whole matter.
I was so heart hurting last night I had to get up and take ANOTHER sleeping tablet …3am and just could not settle down ….He is so cool and distant …UNLESS I point out how his behavior is damaging and hurtful to his children …then he gets angry ….but guess it is a touchy subject…that and being called upon to be accountable to ANYONE …..
I wonder if that woman’s husband knows she is my husband’s first call when he has a medical need…..sigh.
Zaza,
Your situation has many of the signs of “self-serving crises”. When your spouse has needs, it sounds like he uses those needs to re-connect with potential affairs rather than deal with them himself. It seems like every crisis provides an opportunity for them to connect with the lover. In such cases, the crisis is merely a cover for their real agenda or ‘re-connecting’ or staying connected.
Yes that is very possible…in this case the woman is someone he would eventually like to hire along with her business partner ..another woman ….so I don’t know what else may be brewing …he says nothing and that he has not functioned on the prowl …but ….it is bothersome that he has refused info…I told him for a guy who did so much harm with his choices ..he needs to be transparent ..despite the discomfort of having to be accountable and open.
I said “Hey …if you robbed a bank…[far less damaging I think ] you would be really hindered and accountable ..JAIL time or at least a parole anklet!