You have heard of the hardening of the arteries, but have you considered the hardening of the heart? When affairs and or sexual addictions have continued for long periods of time the emotional sensitivity of those involved changes. They are not the ‘same person’ that they once were. Part of the reason for this is that they are so into gratification of their sensuality that they have lost sensitivity in other areas of their life. They often become hard toward little things at first. The hardness often spreads to other areas. The hardness is a progressive problem that worsens when left alone.
They are so into gratifying themselves that they do not care about its impact on others. When your spouse gets to this point, you need a different approach in dealing with them. Approaches that focus on wanting them to be a better parent, better person or being godly will not work with them when they are this hard. They do not care about those things. They are into “Me, Me, Me and then some more Me”. Your interventions will need to focus on what impact them now, be it financial or health wise. It is as if you have to touch either their health, financial security or threaten their livelihood just to get their attention. Any attempt at subtlety will just bounce off of them when their hearts are hardened. Once you have their attention, then they may listen. Although it is a simple principle, you need to remember ‘Get their attention first, then you can talk’. Many couples make the mistake of trying to talk, before they have the attention of the cheater. When you do that, you are wasting your breath and well rehearsed words. No matter of eloquence will fix that. You need to have their attention BEFORE you talk. If they are not listening, all you talking is going nowhere.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
4 Responses
This is sadly SO TRUE.
It reminds me of a story you probably have heard but I think I will repeat it here anyway. It is about a farmer who bought a mule from his neighbor . He got the animal home and proceeded to hook it up to his plow. HeYAW ! He shouted ….go mule GO!
Nothing happened …the mule stood still like stone and proceeded to nibble a few blades of nearby grass.
The farmer went from behind the plow and took hold of the mules tack…pulling or trying to pull him forward just to get him ‘started’ in the desired direction….He tugged and pulled until he simply decided something he was doing just wasn’t going to work.
Later that day he took the mule back to his neighbor and tried to get his money back. His neighbor , wanting to learn the problem asked him why he was not happy with the mule since he himself had never had any problems with it.
After hearing about the stubborn and willful animals refusal to budge and work , the neighbor went around to the front of the mule …took up a two by four and whacked him between the eyes much to the shock of the farmer.
What did you do THAT for ? he asked.
The neighbor took a wheat straw out of his mouth and said ‘ Well …ya got to get his ATTENTION first !”
So as you have said it is simply like talking to a rock to try most of ways people with a normal conscience might be reasoned with. The Bible calls this as you have said ‘ a hardened heart’ …also a reprobate mind …in rebellion people’s minds become darkened as well ..they do not think properly or maybe I should say Biblicaly …God has recorded that ‘rebellion is AS the sin of WITCHCRAFT” …there is a truth that deceit is a very powerful condition in the fallen carnal mind…or as God has said ..” The heart is deceitful above all things and DESPERATELY WICKED…..’ God knows and will REVEAL to us the condition of our own hearts…and mind by way of the “sword of the spirit which is the Word of GOD which divides asunder the thoughts and intentions of the heart’
Without realizing our own hearts have a condition that needs to be addressed ..sin upon sin continues to defile and darken our ‘hearts’ so that one may become further vulnerable to deceived.
The testimony of the Word is that “out of the heart comes the issues of life’ …the whole of our life stands or falls upon the condition of the ‘heart’ ….aka MIND which is directing decisions.
Our decisions MAY be made by way of becoming equipped with the ‘mind of Christ’ which would be much better than just relying upon our senses and whatever we have going on around us that may or may not be worthy of our time and energy in investing in it.
God has told us that ‘My thoughts are not your thoughts…MY thoughts are HIGHER than YOUR thoughts” thus we are also advised to ‘put on the mind of Christ ‘ and to “lean not on your own understanding trust in the Lord and acknowledge HIM and HE will DIRECT your path” HOW ? By way of the content of HIS word which will provide us with HIS thoughts and world view in ways we can never know through our independent information…from all other resources
God ‘s word is LIVING it is SPIRIT …thus when a person ‘receives the word of GOD with meekness it will engraft upon our minds.., and by it [spirit] will begin to ‘direct our path ‘ by HIS wisdom.
The NATURAL man ‘receives NOT the things of GOD …NEITHER CAN HE KNOW THEM.
Those invested in their sin …are in a state of rejecting the VERY thing which would deliver them …Pride which began causing their turn from wisdom then becomes a stronghold…the counsel of the Lord is….
2Cr 10:5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
But without the ‘broken heart and contrite spirit’ there is little chance of a person coming to the point where they willingly will take on this process of what is necessary to seek the Lord and gain the deliverance from their mental habits which drive their lust, greed and so forth.
Matt 5 is a great summary of the conditions of the heart and mind that are present in those who are going to seek after the Truth and thus will ‘be meek …and be hungering and thristing after Him due to their awakeing to their NEED….thus they become ‘poor IN SPIRIT” and recognize their need for the Savior …who is awaiting ‘whomsoever’ will.
What sort of consequences of the sin of rejecting truth will break through this stone wall held up to the Lord ?
Psa 51:17 The sacrifices of God [are] a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
Psa 34:18 The LORD [is] nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
Mat 23:12 And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted.
Pro 29:23 A man’s pride shall bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit.
Jam 4:6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.
Those with a hardened heart and think they have no use for wisdom from GOD ALMIGHTY thought Jesus Christ may take a moment to read about king Belshazzar son of Nebuchadnezzar
Dan 5:20 But when his heart was lifted up, and his mind hardened in pride, he was deposed from his kingly throne, and they took his glory from him:
I always enjoyed the mule story. It is simple, and conveys truth. There is a lot of talking going on, yet unless you have a person’s attention, it is wasted effort.
Hardening of the Heart
Hardening of the Heart