Like trudging through mud, making headway through slander requires tedious effort. Slander is one of those things you wade through. It stains you, clings to you and surrounds you.
The slander can come from many places. One of those places is from extended family and in-laws. When they don’t like who you married, they may view the possibility of an affair as an opportunity. What makes this kind of slander more twisted is that they often present the slander as ‘love’ or ‘concern’.
You’ll hear phrases like “we are JUST concerned about..” or “We did it out of love…” or “It was because we love you…”
They may pull you aside and share the slander with a serious tone in their voice. After sharing it, they often tell you what they will do or want you to do.
That’s the ‘real’ hook. The stories about the affair are merely their excuse to have you buy into what they have wanted to do for a while. They may slander you or your spouse, depending on what they can get others to believe.
In my own life, my mother-in-law constantly fed my wife comments suggesting my having an affair. She planted doubts anytime I was running late getting home. She accused me of philandering with any female co-worker. So whenever I came home…Wham! I was hit with the accusations.
Some families take it even further than comments and suggestions. They involve lawyers and government agencies like CPS (Children’s Protective Services or AFDC in some areas), all in the name of ‘protecting’ their grandchildren. If they lied to you, what makes you think they wouldn’t lie to lawyers or government agencies?
Although some of those family members may be in denial about what they’re actually doing, a good many are doing it with full awareness and intention.
The ‘affair’ story is their opportunity to take control. When they can’t do it through influence, or guilt, or emotional manipulation, they resort to threats and force.
They may also spread their slander to other family members and turn them against you as well. When you do not behave and do what they think you should, steps are taken to isolate and alienate you.
This is one of those times that your worst enemy is not your spouse, but family. The very time you need your spouse to help you fend off their attacks, they are not readily available. That’s what makes family affair slander insidious.
When the cheater is ‘out of the picture’, you become vulnerable and they plan to exploit that vulnerability. Remember, that if they spread stories about your spouse, they will eventually spread stories about you.
The GOOD news is …in the Affair Recovery Workshop, I show you ways of handling family pressures, communication games, drama triangles, and other high-conflict emotionally volatile situations.
In the minds of family members, if there is a rumor of an affair, they treat you like you had one. So for less than two visits with a lawyer, you can have answers and strategies you need in dealing with the drama.
Best Regards,
Jeff
