Curious minds want to know, including yours. In your search for answers, have you considered at what point your curiosity becomes ‘stalking?’
I realize that whether or not a particular behavior is considered stalking is often a matter of perspective. One person’s stalking is another person ‘being curious’.
It’s not just you doing the stalking. It may be the cheater, the lover, or the lover’s family that’s doing the stalking. Each form of stalking has its own agenda.
These various forms of stalking share something in common. They all are driven by wanting to know ‘MORE!‘ When affairs enter the picture many couples start talking about their own ‘personal privacy’. The idea of personal privacy is part of what got you into this mess in the first place.
Stalking always damages trust. Once you start encroaching on personal privacy, there are consequences regarding trust.
It’s true that if you had a healthy form of trust that personal privacy wouldn’t be needed. Had the trust been 100% and communication fully open, you wouldn’t have needed to stalk in the first place.
It could be that the trust that existed in your marriage was an unhealthy one. If the trust was ‘unhealthy’ you need to be honest and call it what it is …sick.
When the trust in your marriage is sick, the rules change.
Each marriage is different. There are times when the risk of loosing trust is worth the threats associated with your stalking being discovered, especially if you have sick trust in your marriage.
Stalking always has consequences. One of the dangers of stalking is that it doesn’t stop once you find what you ‘have’ to know. The voyeur often takes over, wanting to see and know “More, More , More”.
When the voyeur takes over, you’ve definitely gone too far. At that point it’s no longer about gathering information, it becomes a matter of living your life in either a bad or good way through them.
At that point, things have become dysfunctional. When you are watching just for the joy of watching, you have gone too far.
When the time comes for rebuilding trust, the video ‘How Can I Trust You Again?‘ guides you through the steps in building a sound foundation with a healthy form of trust.
Best Regards,
Jeff
One Response
There is nothing pleasant or joyful about learning your life has been overlaid by two people who conspired to live in such a sinful way …In our case for 14 YEARS …..ALL of our family has been violated…not just me .
When I tried to learn about the OP I was not given much info. I had met her but that was long ago and brief . I wanted to know what she looked like because she lives near our home. I wanted to learn about her and the two children for our own defense …not knowing what kind of behavior might occur in the future .
Any woman willing to do what she did for so long AND deliberately want children from a married man even not wanting marriage is going to be an unknown loose cannon in my opinion.
I have kept the best records of our finances since finding out …and it is appalling the amount and continuing onward for ‘child support’ to this criminal .
I often wonder if she ever feels the least bit guilty but after over six years of no effort from her to contact us to apologize I can only conclude she is one hard case.
I have no ongoing interest in searching out any more because I have a life to live …such as it is . I also have a Lord who will deal with them at some point …and if they turn to Him they will be saved…but consequences will hit them eventually . I find this one huge evidence of our world marching quickly toward it’s demise little comfort some times…..but nevertheless.
These who are cold hearted ‘murderers’ of marriage and family will give account ….and that is a sure thing!
Life is too short to invest more and more time trying to discover what they will do …because those who want to lie , cheat and steal in relationships just have too many ways to do it without being caught and aside from the Lord …there are no laws that deal with them in this present world and time.
Rom 14:12 So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.
2Cr 5:10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.
Exd 22:14 And if a man borrow ought of his neighbour, and it be hurt, or die, the owner thereof being not with it, he shall surely make it good.
But I am not holding my breath….