In checking my e-mails, I was accosted by the usual assortment of ads promising how my love life will totally turn around with someone’s product. Like Superman, I will last longer, be bigger, make her happier, etc. It hit me that many people actually believe these myths. If that pill and the sexual fireworks are all it takes to make her worship me then I do not have to deal with emotions or any relationship building stuff. The pill manages to take all responsibility away from me.
Many affairs have some kernel of that myth within them as well. The fantasy that “everything will improve with great sex” or that “great sex fixes everything” creates an unrealistic marriage environment. Such thinking places added emphasis on sexual activity. When sex becomes the primary motivator, then the likelihood of affairs increases. Any marital security lies not with commitment or love, but rather with your most recent performance.
Rebuilding the marriage requires house cleaning concerning such myths. The equation that marital satisfaction=sexual performance will need to be dispelled. Yes, there will need to be sex, but not as the primary emphasis around which everything else is based. People need security, they need commitment, they need connection, they need communication, they need more than what sex alone can provide.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
