Are you being blackmailed by an affair situation? You’re not alone. Many marriages and families are under the oppression of blackmail. It holds you hostage as if you were a prisoner.
Historically, blackmail was the term used by Farmers and Tenants in the Scottish Borders region for the monies paid to landlords for their protection.
The whitemail was the usual rent. The blackmail referred to the monies being charged to them in order to have protection or ‘remain at peace’ and not be disturbed about things. The practice of having to ‘buy your peace’ continues to this day.
When it comes to affairs, there are various forms of blackmail used. There is the type where you pay the lover to stay quiet, or to leave the cheater alone, or leave the spurned spouse alone.
The monies paid for peace take many forms. Some are legitimate and some are illegitimate. You may have to pay for the cheater’s ‘love child’, or have to pay to keep them from taking you to court for a law suit. The cheater may also be blackmailed in terms of photos and evidence that is used for leverage against them.
If you are being forced or coerced into paying for ‘peace’, it is blackmail. You may be paying either in monies or time or conciliatory gestures. You are still paying in one way or another.
Since affairs are immoral, those who engage in them are vulnerable to being blackmailed. Even the intelligence community knows this. Many of their victims have been pressured into doing things they did not want to due to ‘blackmail’ related to affairs.
Given the moral development of many cheaters, the mindset of ‘you owe me‘ is often easily exploited into blackmail situations. They are used to the “I owe you one” mentality, which in many cases amounts to a subtle form of blackmail.
There are also cases, where spouses have been ‘coerced’ into affairs by blackmail. The affair may be the initial act, that blackmail is used to cover or it may be the ‘payment’ as cover for some other impropriety.
You may not have gotten into the affair willingly. You find yourself in a trap of secrecy filled with torment and fear.
Shame and fear are two emotions that often amplify the impact of blackmail. When the cheater experiences those states, the impact of the blackmail is exaggerated.
Their own fears work on them to push them deeper into the blackmail situation. In some cases, forms of subtle blackmail may be used in keeping swingers in the lifestyle whether or not they want to stay there. The secrets are used to keep the swingers ‘in line’. The secrets are used to control information.
Blackmail is not easy to escape, although the fears of the person being blackmailed often make matters worse than they actually are. Telling the truth, embracing the truth and its consequences are key in escaping the blackmail.
Allowing the affair to continue only increases the risk of blackmail. This is why ending the affair needs to happen quickly and completely. For more on ways of handling this, the video, “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery” gives you guidance in handling these matters.
Best Regards,
Jeff
