Your spouse may have told you “Everyone Cheats”. This is probably due to them having told themselves that line many times.
They had to tell themselves that in order to ‘excuse’ their cheating and to work up the nerve to cheat.
Although the ‘excuse’ everyone cheats is tossed around, you have to ask yourself “Is it true?“. Whether or not others are cheating, the real question is whether you or your spouse cheated.
When you married, you didn’t promise to “love, honor, cherish and follow what other people do until death do you part“. Although the opinion of other people was not part of your vows, you may find yourself often having to deal with some imaginary audience of ‘other people’ when it comes to cheating.
You and your spouse made promises to each other, and before God. It was a personal experience. Unless your marriage was part of a show or public spectacle, your main concern should not be what other couples are doing.
You want your spouse to be loyal to you and to honor the promise they made to you.
When studies come out with the message, “everyone is doing it“, I’m always skeptical. This was a ploy used by Alfred Kinsey in his sexual behavior studies. By changing definitions, and using statistical games, his research has been used in justifying massive sexual misbehavior.
With his studies, people started looking at how they compare to others rather than what honoring your promises and doing what you said you’d. When statistics are presented to challenge the ‘norms’ of behavior, there’s often someone or some group behind the scenes trying to alter your behavior.
They’re using statistics to change what you do and how you think. In the case of affairs, when they present large statistical numbers in ‘official’ sounding publications or the media, it makes you feel like you are not ‘with it’ or that your behavior is ‘out of line’ with the times.
You start comparing and measuring what you’re doing with what others are doing. Had Kinsey been honest in his reporting, the numbers may have had some use. His methods for obtaining his reports give inflated data supportive of his views on sexual behaviors.
That’s part of the scam!
They’re creating a false peer pressure to change your behavior. When it comes to something as personal as your marriage, it’s not the time to be comparing yourself to some imaginary audience.
With marriage being personal, your concern should be whether or not you and your spouse are honoring your vows to each other. Like the proverbial, “If everyone was jumping off the cliff, does it mean that you are going to?” response you likely heard from your parents, you need to be more concerned about your marriage rather than having your eyes and comparison point of the mythical ‘everybody else’.
When it comes time for taking care of your marriage, the ‘Affair Recovery Workshop” provides guidance in getting the two of you going in a direction that’s best for the two of you rather than what Kinsey or someone else says.
Best Regards,
Jeff
