Emotional traumas like affairs take a lot out of you. There will be an initial recovery from the shock.
After a while, you’ll find yourself able to get out of bed, eat and maybe even go to work. Being able to go through daily activities doesn’t mean that you’re healed.
All you have done at that point is adjust to the situation, which is a long way from healing.
You do not want to confuse that initial recovery with healing. Healing from the wounding of an affair takes time and forgiveness. Some affairs take more than time and forgiveness to even start the healing process.
Healing involves allowing the disrupted parts of you to recover from the shock and regain their strength. You’ll be able to mobilize resources and find strength for the initial recovery.
The healing will involve giving yourself permission to feel, permission to rest, along with nurturing your strengths. Part of that nurturing will be protecting the hurts from worse damage.
That means you distance yourself from people and situations that will hurt you. It also means that you need to avoid the alcohol and drugs.
They numb the pain and mask the symptoms. You may need that at first, but it’s a trick crutch. Not feeling pain does not mean that you are healed. There is a big difference between being numbed out and being healed.
The amount of time you need for healing will depend on your relationship with the cheater and the damage they inflicted with the affair. We don’t all heal at the same rate or in the same way.
No matter what your rate of healing, you will need to allow it to happen at its own pace. Rushing through the issues brings incomplete healing.
Incomplete healing means incomplete recovery from the affair. An affair that you have not recovered from is one that you are still struggling through.
If you have put off forgiving or don’t understand how to do it, there’s hope. The video, “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks” guides you through that part of your healing.
You don’t have to languish in self-pity. You still need a release from the painful burdens that come with an affair.
Best Regards,
Jeff
