Typically, you don’t see peer pressure and affairs associated with each other. This is a shame, since peer pressure plays a major role in affairs. From the initial seduction through the affair recovery, peer pressure is constantly impinging on your marriage.
During the seduction phase, peer pressure is used in ‘forcing’ (or bullying) into an affair. The pressure may be literal or imaginative.
The cheater may imagine that they are being pressured into the affair, or t be in a situation where they’re literally bullied into having an affair. The bullying may come from peers or those present in the social situation where the initial seduction occurs.
Many cheaters refuse admitting that they chose to cheat. In order to avoid making such a choice, they put themselves into a vulnerable position to where they can be bullied into cheating.
That way, they can avoid the guilt of making the choice by claiming they were ‘pressured’ into it.
The cheater could also be part of a peer group which condones and encourages cheating. Once the cheating happens, such a peer group ‘covers’ for them and aids the cheater in hiding. Peers also or encourage continuing their affair.
In such cases, you may feel that the peer group acts like a wall that keeps you from seeing into what is really going on. Your feelings aren’t deceiving you, that’s what’s going on.
You also encounter peer pressure dealing with the cheaters family and friends. If they place loyalty above morality, they’ll protect the cheater from you.
They may believe any lie the cheater tells them and work toward alienating you from the cheater. At times you’ll feel like you’re the one with the problem, rather than the cheater.
Peer pressure also comes in the form of church groups as well. They cheater uses their influence and charm in turning their support network against you.
The cheater believes they’re protecting themselves. What they don’t realize is that those support groups turn into a support group for denial regarding the affair as well.
Peer pressure is a lurking threat when it comes to affairs. When it comes from family, the effects are devastating. This is why I included a section on family dynamics in the downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop“.
Dealing with family dynamics, including peer pressure is an important part of recovery. Make sure your recovery includes solid answers to the concerns in this area.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
