When you loose something, where do you look for it? Although it may make more sense looking for the lost object where you lost it, when it comes to affairs, and finding what you lost with the affair many of you’re looking for what you lost either where you want it to be or where the ‘light is better’ rather than where you lost it.
With an affair, you lost something. It may be your self-respect, your sense of worth, your security or something else. Affairs take what is precious and give you pain, loss and hurt in return.
When the Affair it takes from you, it doesn’t do so in a nice way. Things are suddenly ripped out of your life. In some cases taken right out of your hands.
Whatever affairs give to the cheater and the lover, they have taken from you. An affair relationship has little on its own. Whatever the affair has, was taken from others. All the energy and vitality that an affair gives the cheater and lover were taken from someone else.
When those things are taken or lost, where do you go?
Where do you start looking for them?
Some of you go to ‘where the light is better’. What I mean by this is that you take the advice of what is popular regarding affairs and look for your answer there.
The self-help books often shed light on your situation, making the light better, and you will find things. The challenge is that you’re not looking for what you lost where you lost it. You may find substitutes, but they’re seldom what you actually lost.
The place to start looking for what you lost is ‘Where you lost it’. It could be that you lost your direction, identity and self-respect somewhere in your marriage to the cheater long before the affair happened.
If you lost it in that relationship, that’s likely where you’ll find what you lost. Perhaps you were hoping that your relationship with the cheater would ‘fix’ you.
If that’s the case, it didn’t fix you then and will not do so now. You can’t expect them to fix you or give you something that they don’t have.
You may be playing helpless and wanting someone to ‘fix’ you. Your logic is that ‘they’ hurt you, so it is up to ‘them’ to fix you.
Although they are the source of the hurt, it was you who placed the hope in them of fixing you in the first place. You were wanting them to do for you something that you should have been doing for yourself.
The answers to where you should begin looking for answers are simple. Go to where you lost it. Look for what you lost there.
The answer may be in your attitude, your actions or your expectations. Looking for answers where you didn’t loose something doesn’t make sense in real life, nor in your relationships.
The ebook, “Why wasn’t I Enough?” deals with some of the tough questions you face in searching for answers. Knowing the right questions to ask makes a big difference in finding answers.
Best Regards,
Jeff
