Sorrow is included in the package that comes with an affair. Even though you didn’t order it, sorrow, and its cousin, grief come included.
Acknowledging that it’s there amounts to acknowledging reality. That’s something you can’t escape anyway. The hard part lies in accepting it and all that it means.
Sorrow means accepting the loss of what once existed. Although your marriage may remain intact, the special-ness that once existed is gone.
The security that once existed, is gone.
The exclusivity that once existed, is gone.
The potential that once existed, is gone.
With the departure of those things, your marriage is only a shell of what could have been. Accepting that loss and making peace with it requires maturity.
Thinking that “Ditching the Bitch” or “Dumping the Chump” fixes everything is an immature response. Sure, it removes the cheater from your life, but you still have to deal with the sorrow.
There’s no escaping it. Booze and drugs may numb it, but they won’t fix it, or heal it.
When you assume that acknowledging is the same as ‘accepting’ you’re fooling yourself. Like a broken bone that’s improperly set, it continues hurting and never heals ‘quite right.
Acceptance includes embracing the sorrow, what it means, knowing what you lost along with what you gained. With every loss, there is something that you gained as well. Finding what the trade off takes effort, yet it is well worth it.
Have you hugged your sorrow today?
If you continue struggling with sorrow and grief related to the affair, the e-book “Why wasn’t I Enough?” addresses some of the most common questions asked related to affairs.
Best Regards,
Jeff
