One of the ugly things which commonly occurs in families where affairs occur is violence. It is not that every couple that experiences an affair has violence, yet the number of marriages that have violence also have a high likelihood of affairs.
Domestic violence is an ugly issue that remains ugly no matter how you dress it up. I was reminded of this yesterday when I went to jury duty for a case of domestic violence. When violence starts becoming the way things get done in your home, it starts a spiral that will one day spin out of control.
The connection of violence with marriages touched by affairs does dot surprise me. The natural affections that are typically in a marriage have been twisted. When those natural affections are twisted, it leaves you with something ugly.
Whether the natural affections turn into affairs, violence or both. When spouses start viewing each other as ‘objects’ the risk of affairs and violence are both increased.
When you no longer view your spouse as someone who is ‘special’ or as someone having value, the risk of treating them like trash increases. When your spouse’s feelings are no longer important, you become ‘cold’ towards them.
The care you have for them starts diminishing. When it drops enough, you find yourself able to hurt them, but not care.
There may be good reasons for you no longer placing importance on your spouse’s feelings. There may have been hurts or disappointments that have been ignored for far too long. There may have also been some inconsideration or violence or harsh words that triggered the change.
One of the dangers of porn is that it deadens a spouse’s response to their partner. It begins changing them internally. It is not ‘mere coincidence’ that there is a high correlation between home regularly consuming porn and violence in those homes.
Regardless of what started the change in natural affections, if you hope to change your marriage, those natural affections will need to be restored. The restoration of natural affections will need to start immediately. Waiting to take action on such matters only allows the situation to deteriorate even further.
You can start by eliminating name calling.
Consider setting up safe areas in the home, where no violence is allowed. Stop arguing when things get overheated.
Remove the porn. Start considering each others feelings again. Taking such steps will go a long way to reducing violence and possibly reduce the chance of an affair.
If you have been traumatized by the affair or issues related to the affair, you’ll want the video “Overcoming Affair Trauma“. The video guides you through what you are experiencing and ways of moving past it.
Best Regards,
Jeff
One Response