One of the hard paradoxes you encounter in dealing with affairs is that of ‘the truth’. You want to know yet
don’t want to know what happened. Even when you encounter the truth, there may be parts of your heart or mind that block out the painful part of what you encountered.
You tell yourself that you ‘want’ to know. You may even tell yourself that you want to know, all the time having some doubts and thinking ‘I don’t know if I want to know ALL the truth”.
This paradox exists because truth is powerful. Like a powerful explosive, it has the potential of doing massive damage. It also has the potential of generating powerful energy either for good or bad purposes. Truth contains large amounts of potential energy. If you have ever studied physics, you know the power of potential energy. Truth is filled with potential emotional energy.
If you were honest about the truth, you would admit that nothing can prepare you for ‘the truth’ and how it changes things. When you face it, your marriage, your spouse, your life will all be changed. Once you encounter it, you can not go back to the way things were before.
Many cheaters know that the truth has power to change things. They often let out ‘truth’ in small doses as a way of trying to control the powerful changes it will bring. In some cases, they are intentionally lying or deceiving. There are some cases where they know that the truth will totally change everything. They find that they can’t even handle the truth. When they can’t handle the truth, what is the likelihood that you will be able to handle it?
What makes the truth so hard to handle is that it forces each person to be honest about who they are, what they are doing, what they are thinking and who they are with. Truth presents ‘real life’ without filters. You see what is going on, what has been done, and who is doing it without any distortion. There is not excusing things based on good intentions, dismissing things based on ignorance or naivete or ‘not thinking’. Truth forces you to see what is going on in harsh lighting. There is no romantic softening, no shifting focus to lead your eyes away, no distracting soundtrack. You have to deal with life as ‘it is’.
Since truth can be very harsh, I find very few of you will be able to handle 100% of the truth 100% of the time. Admitting to yourself that you can’t handle the total truth is being honest. We were created with filters that soften and mute events to where we can handle them. Part of being human is accepting that your inability to handle the truth is actually a way of protecting you from pain. It is also a blessing in disguise.
When you torture yourself with a pursuit of 100% truth, you may be bringing hurt into your life that does not benefit you, your marriage or help with the healing of your marriage. For this reason, I encourage you to use the powerful question, ‘Will this bring healing?” If the answer is no, than it may be an ugly truth that is best not brought into your life. If the answer is yes, then put on your big boy pants and start dealing with it.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
3 Responses
I always found that to be a great portion and clip from that movie.
As I came to know Jesus Christ as my Savior from reading the Bible with interest in learning the truth of what HE had to say and express I also realized that learning the Truth through His point of view was indeed a bit of a shock and over the years I have had to learn more and more clearly the discrepancy between the reality we think is true and what is the real deal about this world in its Fallen state.
Learning the truth about our Fallen condition due to Adam and Eve is often times too much ‘truth’ to receive all at once. I think over the years of effort to learn from study of scripture AND with a request and trust that the Holy Spirit will guide me in to all truth as scripture tells us …it seems that not only can we learn what GOD will show us from His record as scripture is given to us to ‘guide us into all truth all things pertaining to life and godliness’ but through this ‘lens’ we see what is truth about our falleness…our flesh and the difference of what Christ was doing and what we THOUGHT about our own lives as ‘normal’
I think with learning from Him what our fallen sinful condition is helps us to then appreciate what HE did and has offered to any and all who are willing to receive His sacrifice and death as well as His resurrection for our own full payment for our sinful condition.
But along with wanting to receive God’s forgiveness and cleansing we should want to then live beyond that old nature …To live in total opposition to our flesh takes some desire to obey God because we have realized how short we fall even in our best efforts…and how gracious He has been and is toward all who come to Him admitting our need for a Savior.
What does this have to do with discovering Adultery in our midst in a marriage we have enjoyed trusting and thinking we have been the apple of our spouses eye? Well indeed …learning the truth of our spouses duplicity is VERY difficult to accept …HOW could they do this to us? Yes I did say TO us…because it is a very deliberate DECISION to follow a trail of choices that they DO know is wrong and hurtful….otherwise why would they lie and hide it.
I asked my husband why, if he thought what he was doing was such a good and loving thing which they both felt was important enough to create so many lies and false fronts…did he not come and ask me if I would mind if he could have this other woman …and then two children …
Why didn’t he come and say something like ‘Hey sweetheart…since I know you love me and want my happiness …do you mind if I crawl into bed with this other woman several nights a week…do you mind if I spend all of my spare time with her and going out enjoying all kinds of activities that I don’t do with you and the kids…Do you mind if while you are working to raise the kids , clean the house, maintain all the mundane things of life and family …do you mind if she and I go out to dinner …travel …have room service…have maid service?
Why if what they have been spending so much effort on getting what they want out of life at the expense of everyone else….was such a kind thing did they hide it ????
The truth is what is found and written in God’s god breathed Word ..and thought it cuts across the flesh …it is TRUTH which …if we receive it and endeavor to live according to it’s instruction …will heal …it will cleanse and it will NOT damage others.
But Gods TRUTH …He who IS THE TRUTH …is also calling for us to be open and come to Him to learn how to live IN that truth in order for us to live a life that IS what REAL and TRUE LOVE is from God’s view.
The world’s view of love is self serving, selfish…and driven by lust…the flesh is looking for compromises which will allow for them to get away with anything that is ‘pleasure’ despite consideration for the damage done to EVERYONE that they lie to.
I believe what we learn as we accept that GOD is the one who is the truth and offers the truth and the true definition of everything may be difficult for us to receive …but as Jesus said ….
Luk 9:23 And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.
Mar 8:34 And when he had called the people unto him with his disciples also, he said unto them, Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.
Where did He go? to the CROSS where the flesh was put to death.
When a person is saved he is called upon to take up his cross …to learn to follow Christ through obeying the Word which ‘mortifies the flesh’
Col 3:5 Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry:
Rom 8:13 For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live.
So …indeed learning the TRUTH from a spouse who has cheated is important …and frankly even though it is hurtful and hard to hear …I personally believe that trickle truth is less useful to rebuilding one’s trust .
Perhaps my own situation is a bit extreme having been for so many years and including their deliberate having of two children yet still never intending to marry…it’s like they were “over achievers’ in terms of counter culture choices that in some ways takes on a character of deliberate rebels with a ’cause’ to tear apart the status quo of marriage AND our culture …we see this overt activist activity all over the news these days.
I know from the very words of the woman that she made it clear that she is a ‘liberal and as far left as anyone could get’ ….she was anti marriage …anti morality…and anti christian.
That my husband was willing to get into any kind of contact let alone relationship with such a person is so startling in contrast to his normal demeanor is very well evidence of how people are turned by demonic influences…not possession but there is a form of rhetoric which we recognize from the Bible is how God tells people their MINDS and what they think is important for us to recognize.
The devil is not stupid and utilizes the MIND where there is not effort on the part of a person to ‘put on the mind of Christ’ and leaves a lot of ‘space’ in their thinking to begin to accept ideas that will eventually lead them away from walking in the ‘light’ as Christ and the Word of God is identified.
ro 14:12 There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.
It is because of this function and vulnerability that we ae ordered by God to RENEW our minds by putting His Word into practice ..thinking and then acting upon His Word…
Rom 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
This takes obedience to study …
2Ti 2:15 Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
The Word of Truth when known and considered important to learn and then apply to our choices will preserve our lives…our love and our ability to walk through this world with a clarity of purpose and help us avoid damage to others.
Conviction to do the things GOD tells us comes when we believe that GOD is and that He is wanting to reward us …learning how HE defines and sees things is useful for us to recognize blessings and to identify ‘ditches’ that could hurt us or others.
Not everyone wants the Truth …because God’s truth cuts across their lusts…among those who think this way and are offended by the truth are those who think the way the Word tells us ..
Isa 5:20 Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
God is willing to teach those who are willing to hear Him….
Heb 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please him:
for he that cometh to God must believe that he IS,
and that he is a rewarder of them that DILIGENTLY seek HIM.
Not something ‘like’ Him.
Jesus Christ is the real deal!
Oops something glitches on my laptop
I wanted the second post which is completed
The first one can be deleted since it posted before I had finished
Sorry…..sigh ….computer seems to have troubles of its own!😜
Zaza,
I will take care of that. I know how those computer problems can be. Although computers only do what they are told to, I find that I often tell it to do things that I did not want done the way it was done.