Although it sounds nicer to refer to someone as a party girl (or boy) than using the term ‘love addict’, confusing the two may be doing yourself harm. You may be assuming the cheater is just being a party animal rather than seeing the love addiction right in front of you.
The term party girl/boy is used in referring to someone with little to no sense of boundaries, going from relationship to relationship. It’s not that they’re particularly jovial or happy. They tend to be emotionally extreme, with negative and positive emotions. Moderation is not something in their vocabulary or behavior.
There is no extreme they won’t go to if they believe they will attain the love they are seeking. For them, it’s not about making relationships work, it’s about finding the ‘magical relationship’.
You’ve probably heard the stories about how a husband or wife is not ready to settle down and how they still want to party. Over the weekend, my mother came over and talked about how a neighbor of hers is now a single parent.
The story the neighbor told is that their spouse still wants to ‘party’. Their desire to party led them to leave a spouse and child at home so that they could pursue the kind of life they felt drawn to. What made it worse was that a sibling was encouraging their behavior, so the two of them took off together.
Although referring to what they are doing as partying makes it sound fun, when you’re dealing with an addiction, it’s anything but fun. In the case of love addictions, going from one relationship to another is an emotional roller coaster ride. Love addicts loose control going from one relationship to another.
They’re driven by the thought that the next relationship is the one that will fix them or be ‘the one’. “I just know that the next woman is going to be the right one” or “I know that Mr. Right is around the corner” or “The next relationship will be different”.
Such talk is common with addicts. One more (uno mas) will change everything. In the case of love addicts, its’ ‘one more’ relationship.
They constantly chase after the dream of ‘the love of their lives’. For them, the affair is driven by the chase of their fantasy love relationship.
Although they portray a life where they live for the moment, the reality is that their life revolves around broken boundaries, seduction and seeking romance. It is not just a ‘good time’. For the love addict, they are driven to do such things. They get a high from the romantic chase.
Although they talk about commitment, they actually run from it, while at the same time being terrified of abandonment. Their whole life is based on having a partner. They feel worthless without one, yet when they have one, they expect the partners to meet all their needs. and find themselves disappointed. This may include a compulsive type of relationship with ex-spouses or former significant others.
I mention the qualities of live addiction, because your cheating spouse may have a problem with love addiction rather than it being a rejection of you. There are other symptoms which you will want to be aware of. There’s no need to throw away a good marriage assuming they’re rejecting you, when the root issue may be an addiction.
Anytime you’re dealing with an addiction, including love addiction, you’re dealing with extreme behaviors. They know the dangers, yet continue putting themselves ‘in danger’.
Since you’re dealing with an addictive behavior and personality, you’ll need a strong relapse prevention plan. This is where my video “Dealing with Affair Relapse” comes in. It provides you with what you need in dealing with triggers, the warning signs of relapse along with developing relapse prevention plans.
Best Regards,
Jeff
