When you’re addicted to other people’s approval, marital conflicts put you in a bind. You want your spouse’s approval so badly that you’re willing to do whatever it takes in gaining their approval, even if it means hating yourself for doing it.
Things get really bad when your spouse wants you to do things that are shameful or push the boundaries of your marriage. The situation is made worse when you’re in a situation where the religious teachings you were raised with emphasize obey your spouse no matter what they ask.
When religious teachings underscore unquestioned and unlimited obedience, you feel guilty and condemned anytime you say ‘no‘.
Although I’m no pastor, I tell you that there are limits as to what is acceptable within the boundaries of marriage. Not knowing about them doesn’t mean they don’t exist.
The first is when your spouse ask you to do something outside the bounds of marriage. Such actions run contrary to natural limits.
The second is when your spouse asks you to do engage in criminal activities. This also runs contrary to natural limits.
A third limit is when your spouse forces you into behaviors that leave you feeling dirty or bad about yourself.
When you cross these limits, you resent what you did for their approval. That resentment is then directed toward either yourself or your spouse. Either way, the resentment creates further distance between the two of you.
Further, when you engage in unnatural acts, it impacts how your spouse views you as well. Rather than cherish and value you, they treat you differently.
This is part of the Approval Addict Crisis. You do whatever it takes, although in going too far, your spouse ends up disrespecting you. What you thought would win them over, ends up putting one more barrier between the two of you.
Another danger with approval addicts is the risk of chasing after your spouse if there’s been an affair. This is an urge you’ll have to resist giving into.
Part of getting past the affair involves telling yourself the truth about what happened. It also means being honest with yourself about what’s going on inside of you.
It’s hard changing any behavior or attitudes when you’re not aware of them. This is why I point out the importance of telling yourself the truth in the video “Getting Past the Affair Crisis”. Inside you’ll find the steps needed in those early days of dealing with the affair and recovering from it.
Click and download your copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
