When the lover and the cheater begin planning a life together, it means bad news for you. You may wish dismissing that planning as a pipe dream or fantasy, yet it is much more than that.
Sure, there is the fantasy or daydream of them together, but the effects of it are what poses the greatest danger to your marriage. If you have read the previous posts on the role of fantasy, it won’t surprise you that such a danger exists.
The danger of their planning a life together is that their joint fantasy is also two minds joining their energies together on a common goal. The joining of two minds is one type of bonding. The more the bonds between the lover and your spouse, the greater the danger.
Besides bonding, when they begin planning a life together, they create of ‘vision’ of the two of them together. Not only do they create a vision, their mind starts problem-solving ways to make their dreams happen.
This problem-solving is what poses the greatest threat to you marriage. The cheater’s problem-solving amounts to them finding ways of weakening if not destroying your marriage.
At the time, they may think it’s harmless daydreaming, yet on another level, it’s plotting, planning and problem solving. They are seeking ways of making their dreams come true.
As is pointed out in the Affair Recovery Workshop, breaking up the affair does not end the danger. The danger isn’t over until the fantasies are stopped.
At Survive Your Partner’s Affair, we seek the recovery of your marriage. We also put brain science to work for you, both in recovery and re-establishing your relationship.
Part of putting brain science to work for you lies in understanding the dangers of fantasies and ways of interrupting those fantasies. They are not harmless daydreams. Each fantasy trains the cheater’s mind in carrying out parts of their plan. Each fantasy takes them a step closer to making the affair happen.
Here in Texas, we have rattlesnakes. We know the dangers they pose, both when they are alive and when they are dead. A dead rattlesnake head still has poison in it. Likewise, the fantasies about the lover still pose a danger to your marriage.
Best Regards,
Jeff
5 Responses
Ps 127:1 [[A Song of degrees for Solomon.]] Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.
Mat 7:26 And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:
Mat 7:27 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.
Rev 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
Jesus said to the woman accused of adultery ” neither do I condem you….GO AND SIN NO MORE”
He did not “condemn ” her because the law requires that the testimony of TWO OR THREE witnesses had to agree….adultery was still a deadly way to live and would bring horrible consequences
If someone would eventually stand before the Great White Throne judgement of Jesus Christ who is holy and just and has offered up Himself so that people might have Him as their Saviour from the condemnation due sin….then without Him they will be sent to the lake of fire prepared for the devil and his angels
People need to realize the eventual penalty for a lifestyle of what the God of the Bible defines as “sin” and heed the warnings by study and receiving the wisdom of His God Breathed Word
Amen
Zaza,
You bring up a good point with the woman caught in adultery. This is a story which some Bibles leave out completely and is often misunderstood.
First, she was not just accused, she was caught.
Second, Jesus did not let her off the hook as many often assume. Many cheaters falsely assume that this story is a ‘Get out of jail free’ card. It isn’t. She was shamed in front of many people. I’m sure that as she attempted covering her body in front of the Bible study group going on, it was an extremely unpleasant situation.Jesus pointed out she had sinned. He did not condemn her NOR did he forgive her. He acknowledged her sin, along with the punishment, yet didn’t proceed with any trial since the required witnesses left.
The episode centered around whether or not the Mosaic law regarding adultery was still in effect which required stoning as a punishment. He was being set up by the local authorities with this staged episode.
There are a number of curiosities about it. One being, where was the man? Under Mosaic law, both the adulterers were to be brought forth. They only brought one.
It is certainly an account that bears further study.
You are absolutely correct
And along with all of what you wrote Jesua was not going to bring the sentence of stoning to apply as no one was willin or capable of being one of the two or three witnesses under His asserting that law of criteria for being put to death
Even as they claimed she was “caught in the very act” it was as you say only an assertion since they also did not bring the man…..you cannot be caught in the act without another person also being guilty of sexual sin known as adultery
So far only God is capable of condemning thoughts which Jesus said also ….are equivalent to adultery by law keeping ….it defiles just as thought life leads to activity or behavior
The heart being. Deceitful will lead to actions compelled by flesh….which is directed by thoughts
Thus those who would follow Jesus as those saved still are instructed to become renewed in their minds to what God says in order to deny the flesh from causing them to obey their flesh
Not saved by way of works yet once saved our lives are to become more and more directed by way of obeying Gods word as addressed to the body of Christ
So as Jesus condemned sin and that of adultery He judged that as sin and directed her to avoid being ensnared by it by way of CEASE and desist …”go and sin no more”
I think if she were found in the act and those who accuse her were to follow their own laws to Israel that she would indeed suffer the lawful consequences
since those who are saved by faith one out of gratitude and by wisdom we ought to grow in knowledge of what His life..death and resurrection has wrought for us and in us and walk in the newness of life ..in Him who saved us…gave His life for us…..and to grow up in that new creation….
Romans 6:4 Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.
Romans 8:13 For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live.
Romans 6:11 Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Col 3:5 Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry:
Zaza,
I think you’ll like the post coming tomorrow. I address the topic of the woman taken in adultery from a therapists perspective. Be on the lookout for it.
Jeff
Not that those who tried to catch Jesus in some breach of the law lived by it themselves seeing how the Bible records their efforts to pervert judgement among themselves by hiring false witnesses …even when those did not agree they went on to make a judgement in order to bring about their intentions!
Never the less if Jesus brought a judgement without two or three witnesses they would have had grounds to accuse him which was their intention…Jesus did not falter in obedience to the law….by wisdom he dealt with the situation by way of having them have the sword of the spirit turned upon their own hearts!
Here is their law for the process to bring judgement upon sin….sin indeed …but to condemn and sentence they had this criteria to be fulfilled
Matt 18:16 But if he will not hear [thee, then] take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
2 Cor 13:1 This is the third time I am coming to you. In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.
Deut 17:6 At the mouth of two witnesses, or three witnesses, shall he that is worthy of death be put to death; but at the mouth of one witness he shall not be put to death.
Deut 19:15 One witness shall not rise up against a man for any iniquity, or for any sin, in any sin that he sinneth: at the mouth of two witnesses, or at the mouth of three witnesses, shall the matter be established.