How about another checklist for the Holidays? Today’s checklist is high tech, but is not what you might first imagine.
After hearing a presentation from a high end entrepreneur where he disclosed a life-changing episode where he found out his wife was cheating, I told myself, “I’ve got to talk with him about that”. I waited for the crowds to dissipate for an opportunity to approach him. Asking people about affairs is not something done with large crowds around.
When I finally caught him alone, I shared my reactions with him and asked, “What would have made a difference?”
He cocked his head to one side and went into deeper thought. After a moment, he told me “I wish someone would’ve have told me the signs to look for earlier.” He paused briefly, “After she told me about the affair, I wasn’t in a place to listen to anybody. I couldn’t listen to anybody. The only time I would have listened was before.”
His story reminded me that with the holidays now upon us, having a checklist of things to look for would help many of you either discover an affair, uncover a relapse or if the affair is still going on. Lovers often want their ‘pound of flesh’ in terms of time on the holidays as well.
I narrowed down the checklist to the technological signs, since that is where most cheaters are caught these days.
- Unusual phone voice-mail messages
- Unexplained or unknown cell phone numbers stored or dialed
- Unusual text messages
- Deleting text messages immediately
- Internet web browser history list (this is a record of web sites visited) contains unusual sites or sites with unusual names.
- Frequent erasing of web browser history or the installation of programs that allow secret browsing.
- Frequent visits to Internet free e-mail accounts
- Frequent visits to anonymous browser sites
- Uncommon e-mail messages
- Uncommon deleted e-mail messages
- The presence of secret or hidden folders on their telephones
- Downloads of programs that hide or delete files
- Sudden changes in their musical tastes
- Expressing frequent concerns about ‘privacy’
- Frequent use of programs like ‘Snapchat’ or Tinder
The presence of one or two of these is not a sure sign of cheating. When you encounter a pattern of these items, it should set off the warning lights.
If you discover something is going on, it doesn’t mean that all hope is lost. An affair does not have to mean the end of your marriage. It does mean that your marriage needs some help and some things need to be talked about.
We have resources that help you know what to talk about, ways of turning things around and what to be concerned about.
One resource, you’ll want to consider is the webinar on “Relapse Prevention”. Besides reducing the risks of an affair relapse, it provides added help on emotional cues to look for, including emotional and behavioral signs. When a relapse is approaching, there are always signs when you know what to look for.
Best Regards,
Jeff
