Although I am no chef, I know my way around a kitchen. One of the lessons I have learned from being in the kitchen, cooking with my wife and taking cooking classes is that the quality of ingredients makes a difference. Better ingredients are the foundation of better results. You also learn where you can cut corners and where there is no room for compromise on quality.
One area where there is no room for compromise on quality is that of ‘inspiration’. In recovering from an affair, and the affair trauma it brings, there will be times you need inspiration and encouragement.
Using drugs and alcohol often get your mind off of things, but they don’t inspire. They often leave you needing even more inspiration.
When you have problems in the most intimate relationship in your life, it drains you quickly. Your marriage relationship can build you up or tear you down faster than any other. (You may argue that your relationship with your mom does things faster, but I challenge that idea). Since marital problems drain you quickly and completely, there is no room for compromise when you need inspiration.
I prefer having quality inspirational material along with having a variety of methods of inspiration. Although it would be nice if the same inspiration worked for everyone, that’s unrealistic. We each have different motivational drivers. Finding the inspiration that recharges your motivational driver is important.
For myself, it’s a matter of restoring balance. Typically, when I am needing inspiration, it means restoring something that’s out of balance in my life. There are many ways I do this, which includes reading encouraging passages, listening to inspiring music, making a phone call, exercising or going for a walk out in the countryside.
There are times when faced with special needs where prayer, mind mapping or meditation are required. Over the years, I have learned which technique is needed depending on the type of situation I’m facing.
I’ve also learned ways of using times when I’m moody or over-sensitive to more fully absorb inspiration. That’s when I need it most and my body is more open to it. That same moodiness gives me a sensitivity that absorbs the inspirational material.
The current term used for bouncing back from a state of needing inspiration to being yourself again is ‘resilience’. Although I prefer the term ‘inspired’ or ‘re-energized’ and in extreme cases, resurrected, the ‘approved’ and sanctioned term in the counseling community is resilience.
When your usual sources of inspiration don’t work, it could be that you’re coping skills are stuck. The ‘experts’ may say that you have ‘lost your resilience’. I prefer that you find yourself unable to bounce back.
Traumas like affair trauma often leave people stuck in either hyper-alert mode or shut-down mode. Both are extremely painful. Although you want to ‘bounce back’ or be ‘resilient, for some reason, it’s just not happening.
There are reasons you’re stuck in those circumstances, and there are also ways of getting you unstuck. The video on Affair Trauma goes into these issues. If you are needing inspiration, yet your usual sources of inspiration aren’t working, there is hope. You don’t have to stay in a perpetual state of need.
Best Regards,
Jeff
