A blog reader wrote “I used to have misinformed notions of what it must like to be a porn star, or and also the traditional notions of being hypersexual.” It was such a striking statement that I had to read and re-read it several times.
The more I read about how he ‘used to have misinformed notions’ makes me wonder if the writer now knows what it’s like being a porn star. It’s not the first time I’ve encountered the porn star fantasy among some cheaters.
For some reason, the idea of being such a star appeals to some of them. They ‘drank the kool-aid’ and bought the fantasy being peddled in the adult entertainment world.
When that happens, they view their activities as more acting out a script rather than doing them in real life.
Having worked with some porn stars, what actually happens is far different from the fantasy being sold of hedonistic women and hot men always available for cheating. They confuse the actors posing for the camera as being wanted by them.
The adult performers have their own challenges in separating ‘acting’ from actual affairs and infidelity. The amount of alcohol and drugs used in numbing themselves out is stunning.
They call what they do ‘acting’ as a way of compartmentalizing what they did. Many behaviors are excused by calling it acting and thinking you are just fulfilling a role.
If they woke up to the full reality of what they were doing, there would be fewer porn stars. For every person who makes star status there are many used and abused performers who’ve been cast aside along the way.
Sleeping with people other than your spouse is cheating. That’s the reality of what they’re doing.
Many of the stars and performers couldn’t do what they do, if it weren’t for chemical additives. The additives are what makes their actions possible.
As a counselor, the question of sexual addiction is one that goes through my mind in this lifestyle. I suppose telling yourself you want to be a porn star is more palatable to your conscience than saying “I want to be a sex addict”.
The common way some of you deal with trauma, like that of an affair is plunging deeper into sexual activity. When sex is used as a way of fixing hurts or loneliness, there are better answers.
If you’re struggling with such issues or your spouse is, there’s hope. In the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma” you’ll gain tools for starting recovery.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
