A few days ago, I received an email where the writer at one point stated, that her husband told her “He wanted to not love me.”
A statement like that is a hard one to hear, much less understand. In her case, the husband cheated with a woman with numerous traits blatantly different from his wife.
They differed in age, appearance, body type, body art and more. Pondering the differences between you and the lover is painful. It’s even more painful when those differences are polar opposites.
At those times, it’s a blatant rejection of you. Adding a statement like “He wanted to not love me” adds insult to injury.
Although making comparisons with the lover is typically not a healthy thing to do, in situations like this one, the choice of lover is a HUGE part of the message behind the affair. All affairs communicate a message. This kind of message is a bitter one.
In order to find a polar opposite of you for an affair, the cheater planned things out. This is not an affair of opportunity. In this case, it’s a calculated action.
This kind of affair has more to do with revenge than it does with lust. Although no affair is healthy, these affairs are more dysfunctional than others, since both you and the lover are being used by the cheater.
Direct communication is always healthier than indirect, passive aggressive communications. The passive aggressive actions in such cases convey a primitive immaturity in how they handle conflicts.
If they can’t handle conflicts with you in a direct manner, it makes talking about the affair more challenging. What you see is definitely not what you’re getting.
Given the passive-aggressive approach being used, you’ll need special tools and experience in handling when this happens. This is where some of the communication techniques and resources covered in our videos and ebooks can help you past these situations.
Access to these resources at no cost is one of benefits you’ll have with a membership in the support community at Restored Lifestyle.
You can learn ways of by-passing their defensiveness along with tools that move you past the passive-aggressive episodes. You can move past such situations when you have the right tools.
Best Regards,
Jeff
