Anytime a post or email starts with an opening like this one, “Well it’s been about 3 years since the divorce and me finding out about her infidelity..” I know the story will be a sad and tragic one.
I also know that whoever has that experience finds themselves struggling with trust issues. They may say they don’t need to trust their spouse again, which is true.
The hurt is still very real and very painful for the writer. Their life’s been defined by the betrayal in the most intimate relationship of their life.
They still need healing in the area of trust. The wound they have is keeping them from relationships and intimacy.They keep the world away.
Their trust issues are keeping other people at a distance even when they do take the risk of relationships.
The cheater may have been 100% responsible for the dissolution of their marriage. Even though the cheater is at fault, it doesn’t mean that the betrayed is fully healed.
Divorce doesn’t heal your relationship wounds. It changes your relationships. Those are two different things. Assuming divorce brings emotional healing to your being able to trust is misplaced. It won’t suddenly change things.
You were wounded in your relationship. It will take a relationship to bring the kind of healing you need. This assumes that you’re even able to risk going into a relationship.
Ending your marriage doesn’t heal your wounding. You still need both time to heal and know what to heal.
One thing that needs healing is your ability to trust. Besides obtaining that healing, you also need to know what kind of people you can trust. When you’re carrying around a mangled idea of what trust is, you run the risk of repeating the same relationship mistakes again and again.
Taking care of yourself means learning how to trust again along with learning what healthy trust looks and feels like. If you’ve never had healthy trust, you may be settling for a cheap substitute for the real thing.
There are likely red flag warnings all around you that you don’t see or recognize. Healing starts with taking care of yourself.
If you’re unsure where or how to start, contact me for appointment times available. You can reach me at Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com . Together, we can work on healing your wounding.
Whatever happened to your marriage, you need healing in the area of trust and in other areas as well that involve taking risks and being vulnerable.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
