A few months ago one of my sons took the cicerone examination (e.g. beer expert). In order to pass he was required to obtain a specific passing grade. This examination also required him successfully passing some specified areas of knowledge. If he didn’t pass those key areas, he didn’t pass the certification.
He studied and mastered many areas involved in cicerone skills. While studying, I learned more details about beer than I ever imagined existed. I learned where they came from, the importance of yeast along with what problems cause beer to get funky.
His studies taught me many things about both beer and marriage relationships. One of those lessons concerned failed marriages. Like the cicerone exam, there are key areas that are ‘make or break’.
No matter how much other knowledge you have, it you don’t succeed in the key areas, you won’t succeed.
If you don’t succeed in the required areas, your marriage relationship fails. No matter how many good times the two of you shared along the way, or how many kids you raised, when you don’t succeed in navigating past an affair, your marriage relationship fails.
There are therapists out there who will tell you that having a successful marriage depends on other things. They will reframe your marriage as successful if there were times of happiness or good memories.
When you’re hurting, they put a positive spin on things, even though it may be leading you astray. You can tell yourself these things, but affairs can leave you feeling like a failure.
Handling an affair is a major pass or fail part of your married life. Making it past the affair is good, while mishandling an affair can cost your whole marriage.
Marriages can survive many challenges and crises. Setbacks like floods, sickness, and accidents are not pass or fail moments. How you handle the affair, unlike those challenges is a make it or break it moment for your marriage.
This means that how you handle the affair is important. Although there is room for error in handling other challenges, the room for error in handling affairs is limited.
Some spouses don’t allow any room for error in this area. Given the limited room for error, it’s important that you find good resources for helping you recover from the affair.
This is where the support community at Restored Lifestyle can help you. There you can learn and share real-life solutions that have impact. You can also find resources designed for helping you through the challenges ahead of you.
Best Regards,
Jeff
