When I saw the headline concerning how a lady destroyed her boyfriend’s car over infidelity, I was drawn in. Although the episode made the news, it’s by no means unusual or uncommon.
The story also included a video of her inflicting damage on the vehicle. This was not just hitting his car with her purse or kicking the car, she put a serious whooping on it.
The incident raised the question “What is it about affairs that inspires destruction?”
The article claims her motivation was about pain. Although there is some catharsis in taking your angst out on something belonging to the cheater, I think there’s more to it.
Destroying things gives a temporary relief. It also communicates a strong message about the hurt of the betrayed. It sends the message “You hurt me, so I am going to hurt you back.”
Using destruction to express hurt is primitive, but effective. It can also land you in jail.
Any affair contains potential for this kind of destruction. When you arouse passions, they can’t always be controlled or channeled in healthy directions.
I think any affair should include a warning label about aroused passions.
There’s also another hidden threat. This one concerns the disregard for consequences and responsibility. Just having an affair sends the message that you don’t care about consequences and you want to have fun without paying the price for it.
The decision to have an affair is an irresponsible one. How can you signal that you are irresponsible, then expect the lover to be responsible? This strange double-message is a confounding one.
So, in my mind the decision to cheat arouses passion, communicates irresponsibility and disregards consequences. What could go wrong with that kind of message?
When you consider the message sent by the cheater, it’s surprising that lovers and betrayed spouses aren’t more destructive. There’s a real craziness in expecting your lover and betrayed spouse to play nice when you’ve sent them such crazy making messages.
As a cheater, you are asking those around you to operate under rules of civility while you disregard them. That kind of double-messaging also contributes to destructive behavior episodes.
It’s easier for the cheater to blame you or the crazed lover than admit to the crazy making double-dealing situation they’ve created.
If you are struggling with such crazy-making messages, I encourage you to join the support community at Restored Lifestyle where you can deal with them in an anonymous forum. You aren’t alone.
There’s more to the destructive behavior than just hurt and anger.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
One Response
It is amazing there is not more negative reactions. Shock maybe? One thing that I think to add is. It is like your whole life together was a complete lie. For me, it felt like I was used for 20 years and the truth had surfaced. Nothing is real. You feel like you wasted your best years under false pretenses. I myself had many thoughts of destructive behaviors. But the thought of causing myself harm or legal issues for someone’s else’s behaviors was not worth it. I do admit that I chuckle a bit when I see stories like the kill the car! My thoughts at one time were much worse!