In all likelihood you’ve heard the phrase “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. I know I have.
It’s a great phrase for drill instructors and personal trainers. It’s a phrase for pushing people beyond limits that have been set.
I’ve also seen the phrase used in memes with modifications about bears and paratroopers. Bears always kill you and paratroopers kill you then make up songs about it.
Your brain absorbs memes faster than other information. This is one reason they’re so powerful and why social media sites put the brakes on some memes.
The problem with this meme is that it’s misleading, especially when it comes to relationships and affairs. Falling for it can lead to putting yourself in situations that overwhelm either you or the cheater.
Many bad decisions started with ‘Well, it won’t kill me“. With that comment, people take off and expose themselves to risks and unwise situations. Common sense should tell you that just because it won’t kill you doesn’t mean its’ harmless.
You may have even told yourself that in dealing with recovery from the affair after experiencing one of many setbacks.
What brain researchers are discovering is that those incidents actually make you more vulnerable. Brain researcher Louis Cozolino said “What doesn’t kill you makes you more vulnerable”.
That setback didn’t kill you, yet it left you in a weaker state. It took something out of you. The experience changed you and your mind.
The affair changed you and your mind as well. Dealing with those changes requires you make some adjustments in how you view yourself and deal with your spouse.
Continuing doing what you’ve been doing amounts to banging your head against the wall. When you tell yourself ‘What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger’ only encourages you to bang your head again hoping that this time things will be different.
When you have vulnerabilities or relationship wounds, they need wound care, not more head banging or forehead slapping. It’s going to take more than just ‘loving them more’.
At the membership site, Restored Lifestyle, you’ll gain insights about what kind of changes are needed in your life and your marriage along with how to do it. You may know what you need to do, but do you know how to do it?
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
