In working with couples, it is common to see them play interactional games. The purpose of such games is to distort communication. They either protect the person speaking or the person the communication is aimed at from the truth of what is going on. At the most basic level, the simplest game consist of playing with the meanings of words. What the man means with a particular word is often very different from what the woman means by the use of that word.
Another variation of such game playing is playing with the’intention’ of the communication. Here, one party claims wants the other to focus on the intended meaning of the communication rather than what was actually said. When the distorter is confronted, they often respond by saying, “that is not what I meant”.
Working through these types of games requires effort, determination and patience. The use of games makes it difficult to determine what is actually going on, what each party is actually thinking and what their intentions are. It has been said that the first casualty in any war is truth. That truism also has applications in the area of affairs. One of the first casualties of affairs is truth. As people tell lies with greater frequency, they begin lying to themselves and eventually believe their own lies. When the adulterer believes their own lives, the task of finding out the truth is especially challenging.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
