As I write this, it has been a day for the record books. This morning I found myself dealing with a malfunctioning grinder pump. As the day wore on, I received news from a lawyer’s office about the wreck that triggered my dad’s death, followed by hearing of a friend losing her father today.
On top of that one of my siblings wants to ‘process’ her reactions to the lawyer’s stuff. Talking for long periods about her reactions is not something that brings smiles and warm fuzzy feelings.
Since I didn’t order those events happening today, I have to deal with what has come my way and do my best to be thankful for it.
It’s been my experience that legal stuff is always cold. The wording and formalities make things so ‘official’. When it concerns matters of death, it brings closure, yet it leaves me feeling kicked out in the cold by the harshness.
I like the way my sister put her reaction to hearing the news “No, no, no“. She doesn’t want admitting to things being ‘done’. Intellectually she knows, yet emotionally, she is drug kicking and screaming into the reality of things.
Although I usually have compassion and resilience. There are days like today when my resilience just can’t bend any more.
When you are facing problems, especially those dealing with the finality or ending of close relationships, its hard to face it. You may find yourself screaming “No, no, no” and refuse acknowledging what is now in front of you.
Affairs bring with them some emotional finality. What you thought you had is gone. It doesn’t mean that your marriage is over, but it does mean, the way it was before no longer exists.
Like the hassle of dealing with a grinder pump mess, telling a spouse that you can’t go back to the way it was before is messy. Although you may say that’s what you want, your marriage has changed in major ways.
So what do you do?
One option is scream “No, no, no” and then start working to make things BETTER than it was before. This requires effort and honesty. It sounds contradictory, yet when dealing with intense emotions and close relationships, your feelings and your mind are often in conflict with each other.
You can make things go smoother by joining the community at Restored Lifestyle and using the tools there in improving you and your marriage.
Another option is acting like nothing happened. The problem is that ignoring is not very healthy or helpful in the long run.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
