One of the more intriguing lessons I’ve learned about traumas is that when a traumatizing event occurs, there are at least two scars. The traumatizing event is often identified as the source of the pain, and first scar dealt with.
The event is definitely painful, yet the other scar needs attention as well. That second scar is the self-inflicted one.
When bad things happen, the survivor scars themselves with statements of inadequacy. An email from a reader captured this in her statement, “It’s so hard to not feel like “you’re not enough, smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, etc”.
Those statements of inadequacy are scars needing attention and healing as well. Long after the trauma is over, the scars continue inflicting pain into your life.
It’s not that the trauma isn’t a big issue, it is. The other scars are the ones you take to bed with you at night.
Since you are so close to those scars, it takes longer in healing from them. Even long after the initial event, the memory of what happened along with what meanings were attached to it continue haunting the person hurt.
In the case of affairs, there is the affair itself and then there’s the scar of inadequacy that continues haunting you. In some cases, there are additional body memories as well.
At times I’ve wondered if there’s a third scar as well. The third one acts like an irritation in your brain that keeps you in a state of apprehension long after the affair is gone.
This is the one that wakes you up at night and reminds you it could happen again. Although it fades in time, it never goes away on its own.
Those scars need attention and healing. Just because you don’t see them doesn’t mean they are healed.
This is where videos like “Overcoming Affair Trauma“ come in. They help you move past those scars and the impact they have on your life.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
