If you’ve ever been caught up in ‘the Blame Game’, it’s a frustrating place to be. The Blame game, where you are blamed for things, whether or not you did them is even worse when it’s played in the court room.
In my life, I was slandered and blamed for things I didn’t do. I was put in a position where I had to deny doing what I never did, which made me appear guilty.
The master of the blame game is LBJ. He knew the power of making opponents look bad by them denying the outrageous allegations his campaign used against them.
For him, the more outrageous the allegation, the more it served his purpose, including accusing his opponents of bestiality. When they attempted denying it, they looked guilty.
I find it emotionally frustrating and financially taxing when the blame game is being played in a court room while lawyers are collecting rent. In my encounter with the blame game, I had been slandered and began stating what happened. I elaborated on the slander along with being stalked by my accuser.
At that point, the other party countered with wild stories alleging conspiracies and neglect. I knew that speaking against the wild accusations only made them sound plausible if I sounded defensive.
When I found myself in such a situation, I knew that being honest wouldn’t matter. My choice was to not play. The blame game is a relationship game that you can’t win. Even when you assume that telling the truth will prevail.
Sadly, in courtrooms the way to victory is not always about telling the truth. These days, instead of truth, you need the better story in order to persuade the judge or others to your position. In some courts, it’s the plausible story that prevails rather than the facts.
Hopefully your situation won’t escalate to that point.
A reader’s email described the blame game in action. He expressed frustration at his wife shifting blame back to him and making him feel like it is his fault that his wife “chose to make the flirtations or innuendos or claim it is “innocent ” conversation”, even though he was extremely uncomfortable with what they are talking about.
Can you believe that? A wife flirting with another man claiming it was ‘innocent conversation’ while saying her husband is to blame for it.
Talk about a blame game that you can’t win. She blames him, yet considers it innocent conversation. I wonder in my mind “which is it?”
If it was truly innocent conversation, there’s no need to blame anyone. Resorting to blaming others alerts me to guilty consciences.
It could also be that she is operating according to a different set of standards defining innocent behavior than her husband. Although this differs from couple to couple, I find that when what your spouse is doing makes you uncomfortable, it’s likely something you shouldn’t be doing, even though others may consider it innocent.
If you need a place to vent and discuss your concerns, consider joining the support community at Restored Lifestyle. There you’ll find forums, videos and resources designed for helping you through affair recovery.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
