A couple of months ago, a writer I often read passed away. When writers pass away, I take time and consider what kind of legacy they left behind.
I read through their material and consider “What am I supposed to learn from their life and writings?”
In this case, the writer was Aaron Wolf. One of the issues he lamented over was how many women had abandoned their “creative control over the real stuff of life-hearth and home.”
Although he mentioned women specifically, I find that both husbands and wives have abandoned the importance of the real stuff of life. Both have settled for artificial ingredients.
With affairs they put the artificial sparkle ahead of the ‘real stuff’. I understand the appeal of the sparkly, shiny fun and intense passion of an affair.
In the long run, the fun and excitement that come with affairs is trendy and fickle. The affair adds things to your life, yet the price tag of what they add make them a bad deal.
With today’s fast-paced life, the flashy fun grabs your attention. It promises excitement and passion. When the fun and excitement are gone, you are left with pain, regrets and ashes.
Aaron’s comments remind me that couples, like you need encouragement and reminders of what’s truly important. The ideas of hearth and home may not be as flashy, yet they are time proven.
They provide warmth and connection which the affair doesn’t provide. They are solid. They are the bonds that sit beside you in the hospital and cheer you on when you’re dragging.
By referring to them as ‘real things’, Aaron Wolf lets you know that they have substance. Even the poet Anne Sexton wrote about the lover being something that lacks permanence and washes away compared to a wife that is solid and more permanent.
If you find yourself in a place where you want to return back to hearth and home, there’s hope. An affair doesn’t have to mean the end of your marriage.
You can return to relationships with permanence rather than those where you’re always chasing something elusive.
In the video, “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery”, you’ll find the instruction and direction needed in starting the turnaround needed in recovery.
You may have made some bad choices. You can start making better choices and turn back to what you abandoned.
What you abandoned doesn’t have to stay that way. When you return to it, hearth and home is no longer abandoned.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
