On the street where I live, there are several families with elementary aged children. Since kids will be kids, there are times when arguments break out between them.
Although I don’t enjoy arguments, I am fascinated by the arguments of children. They throw words and feelings at each other.
Not only do they use all the words they’ve been exposed to, they also come up with creative combinations of insults and derogatory terms. Strange combinations like “turkey butt” and “monkey brains” are thrown as insults.
The argument turns into a competition as the two of them work at outdoing each other in terms of what they can come up.
Most of the time, they don’t know the meanings of what they’re saying, they just know they are terms that adults use when arguing.
The other thing is that they never bother listening to the other person unless they come up with a new word or name they’ve not heard before.
Watching them is similar to when some of you argue. The two of you may throw words and insults at each other without really understanding or even trying to understand what’s being expressed. You just want them to hurt the way you hurt.
Those words and names convey information about their wounds and how they see you in relationship to that wound. It could be that you’ve been so busy either defending yourself or coming up with new words that you never listened to the hurt behind what your spouse is telling you.
This is especially true with wounds like those that happen with affairs. The wound is raw and many times the reactions let you know about the intensity of their hurt.
Arguments also leave your relationship feeling unsafe. You’re left wonder when you or they may blow up again.
There are better ways of solving the problems between the two of you. There are better ways of making connection with each other.
If your marriage needs some improvement in this area, consider ordering the “30 Days to a Better Marriage Program“. With the daily assignments, you’ll be transforming your marriage every day. In a month’s time, you’ll have a better marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
