One area of knowledge that I have limited awareness of is electricity. I’m familiar with the basics, yet the advanced principles are beyond me.
With my limited knowledge, I’ve managed hanging ceiling fans and working on electric powered devices, yet I don’t mess with outlets or rewiring things. Most of my hesitation goes back to being shocked earlier in my life.
I’ve been told that although it’s the amps that kill people, although voltage is still something to be concerned about. I know enough to use caution with high voltage items.
I mention this in connection with affairs since discussing the affair with family members is akin to handling high voltage items. High voltage items can be handled with care and an awareness of what you’re doing.
Bear in mind that discussing that just talking about the affair will change your relationships.
A reader asked “Can infidelity be discussed with the child who is an adult?” Discussing infidelity amounts to handling objects with high emotional voltage.
When handled correctly, infidelity can be discussed with an adult child. This means discussing it without denigrating the cheater, without hidden agendas and without looking to your child as a surrogate spouse.
That discussion changes your child’s view of you and your spouse. Their awareness changes their perspective.
Your child can’t fix you or the situation. When you lay out the facts, you have to allow them to come to their own conclusions, rather than expecting them to feel the way you do about the affair.
This means that you have to accept that they may not view the situation like you do. Their reaction and assessment of what’s going on will be different.
If you were the betrayer, don’t expect the adult child to look at the situation like you do. They see their parent. They don’t see the needs, drives and desires like you do.
Adult children will also have their own hurts and reactions to the affair. Although their spouse didn’t cheat, their parent did, which is a big betrayal for them.
It’s not just you going through affair recovery, it’s everyone in the whole family going through the recovery process. This is where using the material in the video on “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks” will help them and you on your journey.
When you tell them, it will leave a wound. Consider how you’re going to deal with that wound. You didn’t cause it, yet you’re now faced with handling it.
Providing them with a resource to help them is a good way of handling these sensitive issues.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
