Fragmented Families and Affairs:Different Dynamics, Different Rules

Although many of you use the term ‘Blended Families’ , I prefer the term ‘Fragmented Families’.

The term blended families makes it sound more pleasant and smooth. It also gives the impression that you have some control over them, as a cook does over their ‘blended’ creation’.

It gives you the appearance of control. You don’t have control over them, you may direct and steer them, but you have little to no control.

That is one of the first truths that you have to accept when it comes to the fragmented family structure and affairs…”You do not have the same control that you have in a ‘natural’/biological family”.

This truth has many ramifications.

First, since the family is a blend of fragmented pieces, the members are not all on the same team. When a crisis happens, the results are unpredictable. The fragments go in many unforseen directions.

Second, since the fragmented family is not unified, you don’t have the power and control that comes with being in the role of parent that you have in a natural family.

This means, you do not have the same options and tools available to you. When you are in a fragmented family, you can attempt exercising control because you are the parent, but you may or may not be listened to or followed.

Your power and influence is no longer based on position, you now have to use influence and alliances to make things happen. In the situation where there is an affair, you will have to use your social skills and communication rather than your position.

Bear in mind. the cheater  also has social skills as well and be using alliances and loyalties in resisting what you are doing.

The main point I am striving to convey is that the family rules and how families react are different for a fragmented family than for a natural one.

You can’t deal with the affair in the same manner in a fragmented family as you do in a natural one. Using techniques and strategies from a natural family in a fragmented family will be an exercise in futility and frustration.

What the self-help book recommend are often based on ‘natural’ family dynamics, not fragmented families. The rules of each are different and require different handling.

One HUGE mistake the other affair recovery ‘experts’ make, even with the different approaches they take in dealing with affairs, is that they don’t consider the family dynamics. Affairs impact fragmented families differently than intact families. Each reacts to the affair differently and goes through recovery differently.

You’ll have to adjust your techniques and your expectations to accommodate the fragmented dynamics you’re now in.

The power of family is immense. This is why I address family dynamics in the Affair Recovery Workshop. Addressing issues concerning an affair without including family dynamics only solves part of the problems.

Click the link and order the workshop today in order to address the affair AND the family dynamics that made the affair possible in the first place.

Best Regards,

Jeff