When my wife gets into her car, she wants it to go. She’s not as interested as I am in how it goes and what all is involved in making the car operate.
Things like turbocharge boost or performance exhaust mean nothing to her. She want the car to start and go where she wants it to go.
Not everyone is interested in what happens inside the car and its engine. They’re only interested in it doing what it’s supposed to do.
Likewise, when it comes to affairs some of you’re only interested in making things work. Understanding what happens in the cheater’s brain during the affair is not your stated top priority.
You may ask “What were you thinking?” in a rhetorical manner. You say you want to know, but not in terms of the technical specifics.
Others do want to know and understand what happens in the cheater’s brain. Today, I’ll give you a 10,000 foot overview of what happens.
First, the affair changes your brain. What changes are the pathways and connections inside your brain. The betrayer develops a ‘cheater brain’.
Whether or not you intended the changes to happen, they did. When you make changes like that, it changes how you think and eventually how you behave.
Those changes impact the whole direction of your thinking, including what you focus on and how you solve problems.
You may be able to act the same way you did before due to your memory. Acting like you did before hides some of the changes.
Eventually the truth comes out. How you think and consider things in your brain takes new directions.
Besides changes the brain pathways, there are also changes in the chemicals working in your brain. This amounts to a change in how it works and the ability of your brain to work. The parts of your brain that light up and activate change.
The longer the affair goes on, the more changes occur. The affair partners brains start programming each other in a way where they get more in tune with each other’s responses and reactions.
The lovers train their minds to synchronize to each other. This includes shifting priorities, focus and desire. When left unchecked, it gets to the point where all it takes are a few eye movements for one of them to trigger reactions in the other’s brain.
Undoing those changes requires effort. Those changes don’t correct and fix themselves. You may think that you’re back to normal, but that’s far from the truth.
Your spouse knows your different. You may be the only one who continues believing you’re still the same.
You can modify and redirect many of those changes.Yes, the change happened, but you can lessen the effects. You can reprogram the functioning of your brain, in order to prevent affair situations from happening again.
You can de-activate triggers and weaken urges. You can do things to help memories fade.
In my video on “Overcoming Affair Relapse”, I share techniques designed for making changes in how you think and do things. As long as you ignore the programming that happened with the affair, you’re vulnerable to that programming being activated again.
Take the step toward changing that programming today by downloading the video.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
