It amazes me how cheaters tell their spouses that they can’t afford treatment or therapy. When you want them to get help, suddenly there’s a limit to what their funds allow.
When they were busy cheating, they managed finding the money for playtime. Keep in mind that CNBC found that the average affair lasting six months costs about $2664 or roughly $444 a month. They found the money for what was important to them.
When they were indulging in porn, they found the money. When they went to strip clubs, they found the money.
Suddenly, when it comes time for improving your marriage, the money dries up. Now money limits what they can do. Why didn’t money limit their ability to have an affair?
It shouldn’t surprise me though. Cheaters are resourceful in finding ways of attaining what’s important to them.
The money didn’t matter during the affair, yet suddenly becomes an obstacle when in recovery. What was a minor mole hill during the affair becomes a mountain of an obstacle when it’s time for recovery.
The cheater is caught up in a physical world. They focus on sensations and physical things rather than the emotional or relational realities.
They initially don’t see the damage done to the relationships around them. They don’t see the damage done to trust. They don’t see the soiled reputation.
Relationships, trust and reputations are as real as finances. These areas need attention and repair.
Confronting them about these matters is frustrating. They have blinders on and can’t see some of the effects of their actions yet.
The cheater will make time for what’s important to them. Their resourcefulness needs redirecting.
It’s only when you’re able to express this issues in a language they understand that things finally start clicking with them. When it happens, it’s like a light goes on. They finally ‘get it’.
If you need intensive help in dealing with your situation, I’ve had some recent openings in my schedule for consultations and online therapy. For times and costs, email me at Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com .
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
