Yesterday I addressed the topic of the effects of a mother’s affair on her children. Having touched on mothers, the issue of the effects of a father’s affair on his children also needs attention.
Although fathers have some distance from the touchy-feely emotional aspects, it doesn’t mean that their affairs doesn’t impact their children. It’s a mistake thinking that just because you don’t see major damage that it’s not there.
A father’s affair also impact his children. It shapes their confidence, their value system, their sex roles and their views on relationships going into the future.
It shows his sons how to treat women and his daughters how they should be treated. When a father buys sex, women are viewed as a commodity to be bought and sold as objects.
Sons learn about treating women as trophies, which are attained, then used and discarded.
His affair shows them what’s more important in life, whether self-gratification or self-sacrifice for their families and marriages. It also sends messages about what men look for in a woman and how they should treat women.
A child needs their father’s love. When a father directs his interest toward fulfilling his sexual desires rather than his children, they learn what’s really important for him. They also learn what’s really important in life.
The effects of a father’s affair creeps into their child’s spiritual development as well. The child learns that what the father does is more important that what they say or preach.
You are leaving a legacy of one type or another. With epigenetic research finding that a grandfather’s diet impacts his grandchildren, your diet and actions impact your children, grandchildren and beyond, whether you want it to or not.
Affairs also bring a sense of betrayal into your child’s heart. Your conditional commitment to your wife shows your child that this is an acceptable thing to do.
In a child’s mind, when dad does something, it’s likely the thing to do. They look up to you. When dad does it, it’s cool.
Your actions show them what’s important. When your affair is more important than your wedding vows, or the lover gets more time and attention than your children do, they learn and follow your example in either a positive or negative way.
They learn ways of dressing and carrying themselves in a way that gets your attention. With affairs, that attention is oriented toward the sensual side. This is one of the ways, you are training your child
Your affair also mold’s your communication and relationship with your child. They learn what to talk about and what to avoid discussing with you. It also shows them how to handle relationships as well.
Your children will react to what you do, be it for good or bad. They’ll also react to your affairs, whether or not you’ve said something to them. Assuming that if the secret is kept that all is well is only fooling yourself.
If you’ve had an affair, now is a good time to deal with it. Taking the initiative in making changes also sends a message about responsibility to your children as well.
In the Affair Recovery Workshop, you can learn what changes to make along with how to make them. Claiming that you don’t know where to start as a reason for not doing it is asking for heart ache.
Your children need you at your best. You can take steps toward making that happen.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
