The first time I witnessed someone running away from intimacy, I did a double take. His ‘flight from intimacy’ surprised me.
It happened in a small group. When someone else from the group attempted making an emotional connection with him, Don bolted up out of his seat and headed for the door.
He wanted nothing to do with closeness, being vulnerable or feeling any emotions. I had never seen him like this before.
It required several people to calm him down. It took several days before the whole issue was resolved.
Not only did he run from intimacy with others, he never let anyone give him gifts. His closet was filled with unopened Christmas gifts given to him that he never opened.
He managed avoiding emotional intimacy with others for years. In his case, he used anger and yelling as ways of keeping others away.
It wasn’t a fear of women. He avoided any kind of closeness. Even down to his choice of jobs and activities, he worked alone and away from others.
He could have easily used drugs, alcohol or affairs as well. They all have ways of keeping others from getting too close. John chose anger.
In his case, the flight was a full out sprint away from intimacy and emotional closeness. There was so much pain in his life, he preferred running from intimacy since it stirred up painful memories.
Anytime you or your spouse faces trauma, there’s a temptation for running away from intimacy. It’s often easier letting your feet talk rather than let others get close.
In healthy people, this urge is resisted. They’ve learned that facing intimacy is more rewarding that running from it.
Although some have learned about how essential intimacy is, not everyone has. You or your spouse may be one of those who avoid intimacy. The affair itself could be a way of avoiding intimacy.
If the lover is someone who they’ll never get close too, it’s a safe bet that the affair involves a flight from intimacy.
You may know that your marriage needs improved intimacy. It may also need help in stopping the flight from intimacy. The flight has to be stopped BEFORE what intimacy you have can be improved.
If you try getting close before stopping the flight from intimacy, you may be scaring your spouse and driving them away without realizing it.
One place to start turning the situation around is by dealing with traumas and resolving them before taking steps that improve intimacy. Removing the traumas together help create an environment conducive to intimacy.
In the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma”, you can learn ways of moving past the traumas in your life rather than finding a new way of running from them and the possibility of intimacy.
Click and download the video. Inside, you’ll find instructions walking you through ways of moving past traumas. Those techniques get you unstuck, so that you no longer have to run away from intimacy or closeness.
Rather than continue running scared, you can instead connect with others and enjoy the support that brings.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
