A reader posed the question “What about LIKE?” She went on pointing out how she struggles with liking her husband after his affairs.
Although trust is the #1 concern expressed by couples, learning ways of liking them again is an important item needing attention. The whole process of rebuilding the closeness between the two of you needs attention.
Let’s start with removing the roadblocks to liking. Once the roadblocks are removed it opens to door to rekindling affection. All journeys start with the first step. The first step in this case is removing the roadblocks.
When you don’t like your spouse, it indicates the presence of a relationship roadblock.
The main roadblock to liking your spouse is resentment. Your resentment may be at them or their actions. This is especially true in situations where the issues continue repeating.
The word resentment conveys that sense of being provoked by a repeated action. You perceive that “I’ve done this before, and I know how this movie ends.”
When the cheater continues repeating their offenses, there’s the angry counter-reaction of resentment. You may have gotten over the first episode, but it keeps on happening repeatedly. When that happens, the reaction is resentment.
The problem is that this kind of anger isn’t temporary. It takes up residence in your heart and head. Resentment is an anger than hangs around for long periods of time. It scars your mind and your affections toward your spouse.
Resentment is also triggered by reminders of the affair offenses. A particular sight, sound, word or smell activates strong reactions. These kind of reactions steal any joy you may have had.
The reactions are so strong, they drain you emotionally. After the resentment reaction, there’s no emotional energy left for anything else.
The effects on your body are similar to those experiencing trauma. In order to move past the resentments, some of the same techniques needed in moving out of affair trauma are helpful here.
In the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma”, you’ll be guided through the process of getting unstuck. Getting unstuck extracts you from the pain, it also frees up emotional energy that previously kept you stuck in a negative emotional pattern.
Getting past the trauma and resentment won’t have you liking your spouse again, yet you will have more emotional energy than previously. Removing the roadblock of resentment clears the way for future relationship changes.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
