When bad things happen in my life, it brings a time of soul searching that goes with it. In my own life I look for answers to what happened.
During this search I look at what I did or didn’t do. I also explore what contributed to the bad event happening.
Initially, I look for someone or something to blame. It’s not that blaming solves anything. I know blaming doesn’t fix it. Knowing who or what caused the bad event brings a little peace of mind.
What blaming does provide an explanation that my head can begin comprehending. When I move past the blaming, I start search for more understanding.
It’s when I search for understanding rather than blame that things start making sense.
When affairs happen, there’s a time of soul searching. You look for answers that could explain what happened.
One of the items related to affairs is the ‘lack of faithfulness‘. Although it’s not mentioned much in pop culture, it’s an important piece that’s often overlooked.
You may even wonder where unfaithfulness comes from. I know I have.
I was struck by a statement from my father. He was convinced that “One of the primary contributors to divorce among Christian couples today is the fact that most pastors are not being faithful to their churches.” He continued elaborating on how they move from church to church, becoming a role model for unfaithfulness.
Rather than stay with one congregation, they move on to ‘greener fields’. When they do that with congregations, what message does it send about your marriage.
Are they telling you with their actions, it’s okay to move on to greener pastures when the going gets tough or you’ve put in the required years of commitment?
There are also pastors who associate with a denomination, yet don’t exhibit faithfulness to the denomination or the Bible. When the pastor doesn’t believe in the Bible or denomination, how can they expect you to believe in marriage and be faithful to your spouse?
Then there are pastors who condone divorce when you’re married to an unbeliever. They view it as a do-over.
In their minds, if you divorce an unbeliever, or break up a marriage with an unbeliever involved, it’s acceptable. It’s when you divorce a believer or break up a believer’s marriage that you run into trouble.
With that kind of attitude, how can you expect them to guide you through tough times in the form of affairs inside your marriage?
When your pastor role models unfaithfulness, is it any wonder that many marriages like yours, struggle with unfaithfulness? It’s not that people have no faith, they put faith in the wrong thing or the wrong person.
Cheaters put faith in themselves as a way of ‘fixing’ themselves. They look to the affair as their solution to their perceived problems.
In the downloadable, “Affair Recovery Workshop” I go into what needs repairing in relationships. Re-establishing faithfulness toward each other is an important part of the healing. You may have to be faithful when there are no role models showing you how.
Talking about faithfulness is touchy. In the workshop, I guide you with ways of opening up communication in a way where these topics can be addressed.
You may know what you want changed, but aren’t sure where to start. The workshop guides you in pointing out where to start and what needs to be in place in your marriage to start having such conversations.
You may not have considered ‘faithfulness’ in your soul searching. You want it, but do you know ways of improving it?
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
