Although I’ve mentioned the importance of boundaries and the importance of them, there are times I struggle with them. It’s as if I’ve allowed holes and gaps in my boundaries.
I intend to keep them, but crumple at times. Although those incidents are fewer than in years past, they still happen.
Then I struggle alternating between boundaries and building walls. At those times, I regroup.
During my regrouping, the first thing I do is check my attitude. Wrong attitudes is what turns boundaries into walls.
In terms of gaps in my boundaries. There are times when people either catch me at vulnerable times or episodic transference episodes. Staying on top of those areas requires vigilance in addition to having a good attitude.
Transference happens when there’s some form of bleed-over from other past hurts and wounds. At those times my brain gets confused as to which incident should be reacted to.
There are some people and situations that totally catch me off guard. I want to maintain my boundaries, but I crumple. The part of me that wants to be nice overpowers the part of me that values being healthy.
Being healthy these days requires having boundaries. These include boundaries on what to say, how to react or just watch my attitude.
Wanting others to view you as being nice is an obstacle to healthy boundaries. It also indicates that you’re looking to others for your self-esteem, which is a dangerous position to be in. It makes you vulnerable to criticism and gaslighting.
Taking care of yourself is an important part of recovering from the affair, especially in reducing affair relapse risks. Having a good affair relapse prevention plan is important for you and the cheater. Both of you need healthy boundaries.
In the video, Getting Past Affair Relapse, I go deeper into boundaries and their importance in maintaining healthy functioning. Your marriage won’t be perfect after an affair, but it can be better.
Take the step of ordering the video today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
