I enjoy the emails from readers. In fact, there are times those emails are inspiring. There are times those emails raise questions I’d never previously considered. One reader who wrote concerning boundaries raised an intriguing question.
Her question was “Do I have a right to ask for honesty?” She admitted that at times she struggles with this expectation.
I realize that when you start talking about ‘rights’ it can lead to some conflicts. In your marriage relationship, I believe you do have a right to ask for honesty.
My belief is based on them making vows to ‘love, honor and cherish’ you. I view honesty as an extension of that ‘honor’ they promised to you on your wedding day. Although they may not have specified honesty in their vows, to be anything less than honest is a dishonor shown to you.
They made promises and now you are holding them accountable to those promises. Although I can’t guarantee they will honor their promise, you’re not out of line in thinking you have a right to honesty.
Not only did they make that promise to you, they did it in front of a room full of witnesses. It was a public declaration!
When they refuse honoring their promise or half-way honor it or mislead you, it puts you in an awkward position. Dishonesty has a way of creeping into your marriage and not leaving.
When you have a dishonesty infestation, you face the choice of living with it or doing something about it. Since honesty is one of the foundational building blocks of trust, the infestation is weakening the overall trust in your marriage.
Not only is it foundational for trust, allowing dishonesty to continue starts planting seeds for a marriage filled with lies. It becomes a breeding ground for affair relapse dangers.
Dealing with honesty now prevents bigger problems later.
There are ways of growing honesty. There are steps you can take that improve honesty between the two of you. Part of recovering from the affair requires you grow comfortable asking for honesty and settling for nothing less.
Asking for honesty and expecting it will take you outside of your comfort zone. In this case, it takes you to a better place. There are things you can do to exterminate dishonesty.
One thing you can do is download the video “How Can I Trust You Again?” It covers the building blocks of trust, including honesty along with how to grow honesty in your marriage.
Rather than settling for convenient dishonesty, you’re better off asking for honesty from your spouse.
Click and download your copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
