Letting go of triggers and obsessions related to the affair requires some skill. It takes work to identify the internal and external triggers. It requires paying attention to what sets them off. This is work that few people are willing to do.
You may be aware of some of your spouse’s triggers. Although it’s good that you know what your straying spouse’s triggers are, you can’t control their reactions to them.
No amount of your obsessing will keep them from affair relapse. Your spouse will need to face temptations and go through them alone. Until they stare down temptation, it always has the potential to win them over.
The hard part is letting them face those temptations without you there to help them overpower the threat.
Letting go of triggers and obsessions related to the affair takes effort, but it is not impossible. One important step in this process is identifying both internal and external triggers that may lead to thoughts or behaviors related to the affair. This could include certain places, objects, or even specific times of day.
Obsessing will drive you crazy and could prevent you from effectively dealing with your own triggers. You can work on removing yourself from the situation, creating emotional distance, learning self-soothing remedies to replace unhealthy ones, using better communication skills
They’ll eventually face ads for Tinder, Ashley Madison, and encounter attractive people. They’ll face temptations without you being there.
This requires they go through those times without training wheels. You can prepare them for those times, but can’t do it for them.
They have to choose commitment to your marriage relationship. That heartfelt decision is one they have to make alone. Until they make that choice, the effects of the affair remain.
This means as you start trusting them, it’s up to you to let go of controlling them and their responses. Letting go of control can be scary at times.
At this point, you start trusting the effort you and your spouse put into the affair relapse prevention plan. You discover if your plan addressed the needs.
You find out quickly if you put enough time and effort into the plan. You can’t anticipate every possibility, but you can prepare for the most likely ones.
Preparation for preventing affair relapse requires effort from you and your straying spouse. Although they have the larger share of responsibility, you have to let go of your control of them.
The main reason is that if you have a marriage where you control your spouse, they aren’t staying committed to you out of a free will choice. Instead, they stay in the relationship because they’re not allowed other options.
This is where the video on “Overcoming Affair Relapse” comes in. In the video, I go over what you need in an Affair Relapse Prevention Plan, including identifying triggers and high-risk situations.
Affair recovery isn’t complete until both of you learn how to live life on life’s terms. This includes navigating your way through temptations that lead to relapse.
Both of you can find yourself returning to default living when you don’t prepare to overcome the potential of affair relapse.
Click and download your copy of the video today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
