The internet site Reddit is where many conversations about current topics and affairs light up. One of the recent topics concerned a husband whose wife cheated on him.
The headline was ‘My police officer wife had sex with someone while undercover – what do I do?‘ It bothered him that his wife had sexual relations as part of her job and that she waited years before telling him.
He mentally understood that her job had many risks, and when going undercover the risks became greater. Although he understood this, his heart struggled with it.
His situation brings up many issues associated with affairs. The concerning issue that jumps out at me is how loyalty to her job took precedence over loyalty to her spouse.
I understand the importance of having a job, yet when the loyalty conflicts come up, the situation needs re-evaluation. The loyalty issues typically start small as the job asks your spouse to make minor sacrifices.
The problem is that the size of those sacrifices and frequency increase over time. The job asks more and more of people. When boundaries aren’t drawn, they’ll continue pushing until one takes over.
In his case, he lost the loyalty issue. She remained more loyal to her job, even years later.
Rather than being loyal to her husband, she felt duty bound to her boss and job. She may have still loved him, but he remains a cuckold for a cheating wife.
These kinds of loyalty conflicts are common with highly demanding jobs like law enforcement and military situations. In those areas, an emphasis is placed on duty to the job. They may justify it by saying it’s for your nation, for the queen or for the community, yet they still cheated on you.
I saw this in my practice with spouses hiding their activities claiming they had to for ‘national security’ reasons.
The glory associated with duty doesn’t take away the pain of betrayal. You’re still left with the hurt. Only now you feel twisted and guilty in having your reactions.
The pain still needs to be dealt with. Painting it over with patriotic colors won’t make it go away. The hurt is real and needs real attention. Not only the pain, there is the betrayal, trust and affair relapse issues needing attention.
You’re not being a disloyal spouse in admitting you’re hurting and don’t like what happened. If anything, you’re a hurting spouse wanting healing and answers. You also want your spouse’s heart back.
A place to start your healing is with the video, “How Can I Trust You Again?” There’s plenty of work needing attention, yet this will give you a place to start with a solid foundation.
Click and download your copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
