There are enough pressures on a marriage when both of you are at home. When the two of you are separated by means of deployment, the situation intensifies.
What changes is that the temptations remain, yet the support provided by the two of you together is gone. The bond uniting the two of you is under fire and you can’t be together to fight against those temptations coming against your marriage.
I’ve dealt with the unique pressures of the spouse in military service in previous posts. The focus today is on the spouse staying at home who strays or is tempted to stray.
Although you may be loyal during deployment, there are some spouses who are at risk of deployment affairs while you’re away. Let’s call them high risk spouses’.
If you have a spouse or situation like those below, consider using special handling with them. They NEED additional contact with you. Being a military spouse is not a good fit for them.
First, there will be some spouses who hate being alone. Being alone means that they will have to face some of the pressures and issues within themselves.
Being along for them is akin to one of the level of Hades. It’s an unbearable thought. They often have their own inner demons and when they are alone, they have to face them.
In their mind those demons (be they past traumas, fantasies or worries) are unbearable. Rather than face those issues, they bring someone into their lives to distract them from those things inside them.
Spouses who have such issues don’t do well with deployment.
In generations past, the spouses who hated being alone were often the ones writing “Dear John” letters. They often go from relationship to relationship seeking someone who keeps them from feeling alone.
Like Tarzan, swinging from tree to tree, they go from relationship to relationship looking for ‘something’ and always wondering what they may have missed.
Another at risk population concerns spouses who’ve gained the attention of seducers. Some seducers wait for such opportunities to strike.
Seducers work at wearing down the resistance to their advances. They view your deployment as setting the stage for ‘easy pickin’s ‘ .
These seducers circle potential victims like vultures eyeing their next meal. They look for opportunities and open doors.
They lie in wait until they have an opportunity to move in. Those most vulnerable are the ones easily distracted or highly emotional. The seducers use the distractions and emotionality in weakening resistance to their advances.
They use distractions and emotions against their target. When a spouse is distracted, their defenses are down.
These two are the most common of the relationships at high risk for deployment affairs. The risk always increases when you include addictive disorders or sexual addictions in the mix. When addictions are added to any deployment situation, the risk of affairs is high.
These situations will alert you to potential dangers to look out for. When you are deployed, you have enough on your plate to handle without the added pressure of being at risk for deployment affairs.
If your marriage has experienced an affair, it’s not the end of the world. Both of you feel that the needed support wasn’t there.
Rather than attacking and blaming, try dealing with the root of your marriage issues. The online “Affair Recovery Workshop” gives you the tools needed in repairing your marriage, including ways of changing old habits and interrupting patterns of unhealthy behaviors.
Best Regards,
Jeff
