These days you hear a great deal about ‘hate’. From the stories you see on the news, you’d think that hate is the biggest problem in America.
The whole issue of hate is painted so harshly, it polarizes whole populations. You are either against any kind of hate, no matter who it is directed at — or you’re in favor of all hatred, directed at anyone.
But what’s so bad about hate? Hate is human nature. It keeps us from giving away our lives and property to people we don’t trust!
Hate is a weird thing. Although it’s currently not in fashion, you need it when dealing with affairs. If you don’t hate affairs enough, you’re going to have problems.
You’ll have more problems with hating too little than hating too much when it comes to affairs. With affairs, the choice is hating the affair or accepting the affair. There is little to no middle ground. Compromising on acceptance amounts to not hating the affair.
Then there’s the matter of you hating the affair enough. Do you really hate the lies, disloyalty, secretiveness, endangerment and risks that affairs bring with them? Your hate has to go way beyond just disliking what happened.
I know the awkwardness of hating. It took me a while before I saw the benefit of hating. You need the energy hate provides in overcoming the affair. Without it, recovery is virtually impossible. Too many people are too willing to accept the affair as a part of life and throw up their hands in defeat.
Hate and acceptance are opposites. When you choose not to hate an affair, you’ve accepted it into your life.
The energy of hate gives you motivation for taking action. It takes you from being inactive to active. It gets you out of bed and ready for action.
It took me a while to give myself permission to hate. It took me a while to be comfortable with hate. The longer I work with affairs, the more I’ve learned to hate them.
I hate affairs, and most of all, I hate what they do to families. Hate is a necessary part of recovery for most people because it’s so hard to get beyond an affair alone.
If all you do is love, you cover up and hide things. Love makes excuses for people and situations. Hate on the other hand confronts, takes stands and removes the dangers associated with the affair. It’s hate that sees potential dangers.
Hate keeps you motivated during the shaky times after the affair when the risk of relapse is high. At those times, you see the dangers before getting stuck in them.
Hate is so much more powerful than love when it comes to dealing with affairs. If you really hate the affair, nothing can prevent you from taking action to protect yourself and your family.
Even St. Paul saw this danger when he told people to “speak the truth in love”. He knew that love alone would water things down and overlook the truth. You need both.
Hate gives you the energy to speak truthfully in tough situations. You still have to love the cheater, but HATE the affair. You love the cheater, but hate the lying.
Hating the affair and the lying also means not associating with bad influences.
Hating means removing any influences promoting infidelity from your home. This includes pornography and sensuous material.
When you hate affairs, and the lying, you remove the possibility of them happening from your life. If you don’t have enough hate, you leave the door open to future affairs in your marriage. You leave a path for old attitudes and habits to return.
There are enough pressures on marriage today without you hating enough. Although I liked the Beatles idea of “All you need is love”, they were wrong. When it comes to affairs, you need more than love. You also need a heaping measure of hate.
When you hate affairs enough to take action, the downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop” guides you in making the important changes to your marriage. Just click the link, fill out the form and within minutes you can start making things different.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
