When a person discovers that their spouse has been having an affair it can take time to come to terms with this new reality. This is because the betrayed partner greatly questions their own reality as they know it, and may begin to question several aspects of life such as:
What part of my past am I able to trust?
What about our future together?
Did he/she stop loving me long ago? Did we ever have a good marriage?
The world will feel like it is turning upside down for many people during this stage. The betraying party will also experience this type of questioning after being confronted by the betrayed partner.
This is an uncomfortable place to be. You can’t find comfort in memories, you are unsure where you stand in your marriage and the future is uncertain.
You may feel like you are going crazy and this is not a pleasant place to be. When going through this part of recovery, some of you may even question God. This puts you in an emotional and existential uncertainty.
You don’t know who or what to believe. Even when others attempt comforting you, there’s part of you wondering whether it’s sincere or real.
Welcome to the primal part of the grief process.
In these difficult times you do need to know that your emotions and thoughts will get worse before they get better.
You can lean on others and express and process what you are going through but at the end of the day, it will be up to you to deal with this issue and put your life back together again.
It is up to you to move past the crisis and return to living life.
During this time, there’s a good chance that one or both of you may relapse into addictive behaviors such as substance abuse, porn addiction, compulsive spending etc. This is because anything that offers relief from pain is something we tend to fall back on in order for us not to feel our feelings.
The temptation of seeking short-term fixes has to be resisted if you hope to recover.
Instead, consider working through the trauma. In the video “Overcoming Affair Trauma”, I share ways of working through the pains associated with this part of recovery from the affair.
Some of you will truly want to work through this while others may choose to leave the relationship, for that makes sense.
If you hope to continue in your marriage, it’s important not to let the past define who either of you are today. If you are still reading, it means you are interested in learning how to survive infidelity and save your marriage. The reason why people stay together after an affair is because they have found ways of working through their trauma even if they did decide to end the relationship.
The betrayed partner needs time to mourn what has been lost, yet also needs time to resist being defined by the affair or seeing themselves as “damaged goods” that no one would ever want again.”
This phase will pass but it can take time before that happens. Be patient with yourself, remember that this too shall pass.
Click and download your copy of the video today and start moving past the pain.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
