On finding out about an affair, you may find yourself experiencing a burst of energy. For some it is driven by fear, for others it is driven by anger or even love. Whatever the source of your energy, there is often a desire to confront the lover. Confronting the lover may make you feel better. In moments of self-righteousness, you may even justify what you did by saying “it was the truth.” What you told them or want to tell them may be the truth. Honesty and truth are usually good things, unless the motivation behind them is one of healing. When honesty and truthfulness are used without healing intentions, they become another form of cruelty.
Before blitzing off to tell someone off or ‘tell it like it is’, you need to ask yourself, “Will it bring healing?” If it will, then do it. If it will not, you may want to reconsider your actions. Since affairs deal with personal matters, bringing up the issue often leads to personal attacks. The person you are confronting will likely take it personally and attack you back. Sure you were truthful and honest, but they may see through your motives. They may take revenge for what you do. That is always a risk. When dealing with ‘personal’ issues, revenge is always a risk. Confronting them may be the right thing to do, yet even the right thing needs to have the right attitude behind it.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
