It fascinates me how many lessons can be learned from events in history. Recently, I found myself exploring the topic of feuds. Those historic feuds are not just something in the movies, they were conducted by real people with grievances.
The feuds like the Lee-Peacock or the Sutton-Taylor tore up whole counties across Texas to the point where even lawmen and judges were sucked into the action. Those involved had big hurts, few answers and matters escalated quickly.
This insight came to me when I had the opportunity of working with a direct descendent from the Hatfield and McCoy feud. Although you’ve heard about their feud, few people are aware it began as a romantic relationship between Johnson (“Johnse”) Hatfield and Rose Anna McCoy.
I recall all the cartoons of hillbillies shooting at each other. Those cartoons make light of what was a matter of life, death and honor for the families involved.
There are many lessons you can learn from those events. They started with one incident that escalates into mutual retaliation. Each side focuses on the wrongs they endured and the need for paying the other side back. Their focus is not just momentary, they obsess over the wrongs.
The cycle of revenge is hard to break, even when cooler and more level-headed family members want to move on. Once the hatred takes root, it’s difficult to extract. If you think about some of the feuds going on in the world today, you can see how those ancient feuds continue.
The injured parties draw in other family members into the initial conflict and the resentments spread. All that focus on the hurt lead to tempers boiling over. The parties find themselves looking for a reason to retaliate. They look for opportunities for outbursts.
The parallels between feuds like Hatfield-McCoy or Sutton-Taylor or even gang wars and affair fallout are many. After the initial wrong, things escalate with mutual retaliation. Family members are brought into matters and what could have been handled between the couple now becomes ‘fighting words’ for the whole family.
It often gets to the point where even speaking the name of the other spouse is frowned upon. When matters escalate this much, the families forget about the affair and focus instead on revenge. They are so worked up, that they can’t see straight.
An old preacher once said, “The only sure way to arrest hate is to forgive the first injury.” Although I think that old preacher was right, many of you don’t know how to forgive, especially when things have become feud material.
The GOOD news is…I recently made a video addressing forgiveness. “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down walls and Remove the Roadblocks” is now available. It guides you through how to forgive and the steps involved. Rather than guess at how to forgive or just act like you forgive, you can instead have solid answers and methods in forgiving the wrong that started the mess you are going through.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
