Yesterday I talked about facing the ‘unreal’ aspect of an affair. The whole situation is so hard to believe that your mind struggles to come to grips with it. You know it is happening, yet struggle with believing it could happen to you.
One of the points I mentioned concerned getting stuck. There are many ways of getting stuck along with many reasons given for staying stuck in coming to grips with the affair.
As unhealthy as it sounds, there are some of you who have been stuck so long that being there feels normal. When the dysfunction becomes ‘normal’, it’s not a good thing.
At that moment, several things happen. One is that you give up hope. Giving up hope involves both emotional and mental shifts.
Mentally, you’ve accepted your situation. When that happens, your goal shifts. You went from wanting a better marriage to accepting that what you have is the best it’s going to be.
Once caught in the mental pit of giving up hope, your brain starts looking for evidence proving how hopeless your situation is. It will find way of supporting the view that there is little to no hope.
Even in counseling, you find more reasons for staying stuck than for moving ahead.
Emotionally, giving up ho
pe leaves you in a state of discouragement. At that point, you’re caught in a double bind.
That double bind is that you have accepted both an emotional and mental confinement. That confinement limits your ability to make changes in yourself or your marriage. At that point, you can’t see the options before you.
Staying stuck due to giving up hope is one of the effects of affair trauma. Another one of the effects is that making forward progress requires effort. You have to literally give yourself permission to obtain help.
Give yourself permission to get better and download the video “Overcoming Affair Trauma“. In the video, you’ll learn ways of moving past being stuck.
You only have to stay there as long as you allow the situation to continue.
Click and download your copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
