When I was in the midst of a lawsuit from a family member, I was stunned at how someone whom I once got along with had turned into a monster. Once the lawsuit was underway, she transformed into a demanding, uncompromising beast.
Nothing seemed to appease her. She continued wanting “More, More, More!” It started with more money, then more appeasement, she wanted our house, and continued until she wanted everything we had. I wondered if it was her greed or the lawyers. It was only years after that ordeal that I began to understand how that change happened.
It was as if the lawsuit was making her a crazy person. I often said, “This makes me sick!” Although my comments were expressions of frustration, they were also the plain truth. The lawsuit was making me physically ill. How could it not?
The gut-level truth is that lawsuits are unnatural, unhealthy things. We have to stop thinking of them as normal and acceptable business practices. Litigation, especially when lawyers are stoking the flames eventually burns all those involved that aren’t lawyers or judges. They intentionally provoke and make accusations. Letters are written in a way to inflame those involved. There is a reason the system is called adversary litigation.
Anytime you are involved in adversary litigation, such as divorces, it brings out the worst. Not only that, it takes the hostility to new highs. High hostility, especially with family, creates secondary effects as well.
We often don’t recognize how our actions affect other people. I didn’t understand the effects of litigating with my family member until it was too late, and all hell had broken loose. Although she initially started suing me for money, after a while the lawsuit became about character assassination. Litigation is always an attack on someone’s character or reputation. It is intended as a personal attack and taken as one.
One of those secondary effects is that it makes them sick and perhaps you as well. Everyone involved starts using dysfunctional ways of getting their needs met. This includes using more threats, increased hostility, and more demands. When this kind of pathology happens in a family setting, it’s bad news for everyone.
In short, litigation makes you and your family sick. Since affairs are often associated with litigation, this is a topic of concern for you. If you think things are bad now, litigation will make it worse. Not only will it bring out the unhealthy habits, it puts the control of your family in the hands of judges and attorneys who are looking for ‘fast closure’ rather than what’s healthy of best for your family.
This means finding other ways to work through the problems in your marriage and communication is in your best interest. Your differences are often more workable than you suppose.
You may only need a few adjustments in the way the two of you talk to each other and solve problems together. This is where the Affair Recovery Workshop can help.
The workshop guides the two of you in working through the issues related to the affair. Whether or not the two of you stay together, you still have to deal with each other. Finding healthier ways of handling differences is in the best interest of both of you. Making the effort will be less taxing than the strain you’ll endure with adversarial litigation a divorce and child custody will bring.
Order your copy today. Investing in your relationship will help you keep your sanity.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
