A few weeks ago I read a story about the man considered as “The Terror of Ugly Husbands”. That title struck me as descriptive and sobering. I began considering his life and lessons about relationships gained from it and how they can help cheaters.
The man behind the title was Earl Van Dorn. He was described as a well dressed, handsome and about five foot seven inches tall. Having grown up with older sisters, he turned into a smooth ladies man.
He went into the military, attending West Point. Now he had the added charm of an officer in uniform to go with his smooth ways. He was now a well dressed officer with prestige to go with his impulsive and emotional ways.
Although he was married and had children, it didn’t deter his dating activities. He wasn’t about to let a wife and kids keep him from his cheating.
He managed finding women at the bases he was stationed at. In Texas he fathered children with a woman on the base where he was stationed.
As his career continued, he was known for meeting women in his bedroom he used as an office. Over time, his reputation and charm was known far and wide.
He eventually met his match with Dr. Peters. Although Peters had threatened him before, Van Dorn didn’t take it seriously. In his mind who would threaten a general?
One night Dr. Peters caught him in bed with his wife. The good doctor caught Van Dorn hiding under the stairs after he fled the bedroom. The doctor made threats and demands, while Van Dorn pleaded for his life. The general made promises about what he’d do.
Two days later, the doctor followed up on the hasty agreements, which included telling his wife. Van Dorn had not done them and thought that the doctor was just bluffing and wouldn’t dare shoot him. Van Dorn was mistaken. The terror of ugly husbands died in his office.
The story has many lessons and illustrations about cheaters and their ways, especially military cheaters.
From a weak commitment to his marriage vows, to putting himself in high risk situations for affairs, to having lovers at every base, he was self-absorbed. His main priority was himself.
Although his priority was himself, he gave attention to women. He made them feel important. How he carried himself left the impression he was trust-worthy.
His trustworthiness was an illusion in many areas. He didn’t consider the dishonor his actions would bring to his uniform, his nation or his family. Having a wife and children never stopped him. He wanted his wife and the other women.
His self focus and own overestimation of his value led to him misjudging the wrath of a jealous husband.
Had he been a man of his word, he may have lived longer. Yet, like many cheaters, he said what he had to in order to save his own hide in the heat of the moment.
You may have even encountered modern day versions of such a man. In your case, you have an opportunity to change things. Instead of ignoring obvious signs that things are getting out of hand, you can instead take action and start turning your marriage around.
In the video “Help for the Cheater”, you can learn lessons that Van Dorn never did. You can learn from his mistakes.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
